7.13.2004

don't trick up your sex or the all star game

just a few thoughts after watching this year's major league baseball all star game.

1. fox sucks. first of all, tim mccarver is awful. his nonstop banter about nothing makes me want to pull an elvis and shoot my tv screen out. i cannot think of any announcer who uses banal cliches as much as this guy. second of all, fox decided to put together a couple of bits that revolved around an animated baseball named "scooter". in these bits, scooter would explain in one of the most annoying voices known to the human race, what exactly a curveball is. lame animations aside, i sincerely doubt that this attracted the attention of kids who weren't baseball fans and then converted them into baseball fans. in the same way you shouldn't trick up your sex (see end of post for an explanation of what tricking up your sex means), i don't think that you should trick up the all-star game broadcast with crap like that.

2. bud selig and most of the yahoos running MLB suck. i think it was after the fifth inning they stopped down the whole game to honor roger clemens. it was a trite ceremony where they gave him some made up trophy and showed a wheels off video montage of the rocket. don't get me wrong, i'm of the opinion that clemens is probably the greatest pitcher of all time, but geez, what's the point of honoring him at the all star game in houston. he's only played a half season for the astros for chrissakes. it reminded me of the time when they stopped down the all star game to honor cal ripken and tony gwynn a few years back. nice sentiment and they're great players, but why try to manufacture special moments instead of letting them just happen. it's just so f-ing disingenuous. it's the all star game damnit, there should be plenty of special moments in the game itself. and holy cow, does bud selig have cancer? i've never seen him looking so bad. someone has got to tell him and all other balding men that the rug looks ridiculous.

3. jesus f-ing christ is ruben studdard fat. i'm only now realizing how amazing it is that he won the americal idol thing. his fatness is so grotesque that it's too distracting to listen to him sing.

4. a little something i noticed about the broadcast tonight and during the home run contest. they had plenty of mikes on the field (and plenty of lame "sounds of the game" segments during the all star game). anyways, i noticed that when they showed shots of the players, as soon as any of them started speaking spanish, they'd go mike off. as if we don't already know that most of the great baseball players speak hardly a lick of english. as usual, the thing that kills me is the inane logic of doing this. baseball, of all of the major three sports, is most definitely the most slow paced game. it's also probably the least popular of the big three. tv broadcasts are filled with shots of players sitting in dugouts looking totally spaced out. if there's one thing that baseball needs are colorful characters. as i'm sure anyone could see, those spanish speaking guys couldn't stop chatting it up, and it seemed that they were all laughing the whole time. i myself don't speak spanish, but i would imagine that one of the last loyal fan bases for baseball are spanish speakers. add on top of that all the people who took spanish in high school or college and then you have quite a few people who could probably understand what the players are saying and would in all likelihood be entertained or at least interested in what they have to say. it seems counterproductive to the business of baseball to me to pretend that players don't speak spanish in an attempt to make the presentation as palatable to white people as possible. i guess i could be wrong on this one. maybe whitey would get turned off by baseball if they knew that the stars all spoke spanish, but that's just dumb.

explanation of "tricking up your sex" - it always amazes me when i read about some of the crazy freaky things that people do while having sex: dressing up in mascot costumes, autoeroticasphyxiation, gerbils, and things along those lines. i'm all about spicing up your sex life and doing different things, but generally, i'm pretty sure that if you have to resort to these kinds of things to get excited, well, then i think that's a good sign that there's something wrong. anyways, these people are tricking up their sex, and as i said before, i don't think that people should trick up their sex.

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