bobby the gook, week 9

godammit, i don't know a f-ing thing about football. what really hurts is that a couple of the games that i picked wrong were so painfuly obvious the second the game was over. i mean, really, was there any reason not to take KC at home? wasn't it obvious that the giants were going to beat the vikings like they always do? bad gambler! bad gambler! anyways, last week: me 5-9 (pathetic), season 63-49-3 (.563); fredo 5-9 (pathetico, fred's a mexican), season 59-53-3 (.527). point spreads from caesars/hilton, home team in bold.

BUF (+3) over NYJ
is mcgahee the cure? yeah, i think so. the jets have their own power runner in martin, but he's an old man. i guess using lamont jordan to spell him is a really good idea. anyways, my reasoning here is that the jets won big over miami and this will be the letdown.

PHI (-1) over PIT
ok, so this roethlisberger kid is all right. but this line is in my mind a huge overreaction by vegas. far be it from me to question the wisdom of gamblor, but philly is going to roll this week. fantasy owners can expect at least three TDs from mcnabb with two of them going to T.O., the most entertaining NFL player since deion. fifty bucks all the way (3-5 on the big bet).

DET (-3.5) over WAS
fredo is right, god does hate joe gibbs. this game really depends on roy williams. if he plays, which i think he will, the lions win easily. if not, then the skins win. no provisional picks here, so i'll just go with the lions. incidentally, how about w beating out the curse of the redskins loss. i mean, this guy is like ferris bueller, he just can't lose.

CIN (+1) over DAL
it's tempting to take the boys after their win last week, but the lions had the same problem that i was talking about above. without williams, the lions don't have anything. so basically, the cowboys didn't beat anyone last week. the bengals have looked a lot better the last two weeks, so i'll take chad johnson for 2 TDs and the win.

OAK (+7) over CAR
this really isn't a smart play, but oakland has to cover at some point, don't they? and with seven points, this week is as good as any.

AZ (+3) over MIA
two bad teams, give me the points.

KC (-3) over TB
the chiefs seem to be on a roll. all three of their weapons, green, holmes, and gonzalez really seem to be clicking. granted they're facing a much better defense than indy or a beat up atlanta defense, but i think that they win here.

NYG (-9) over CHI
chicago had their nice feel good moment last week over another bad team. now they go back to sucking like the a-holes that they really are.

SEA (-7) over SF
after that early season blowout, fredo and i could have sworn that this line would have been 20 by this time in the season, but the hawks have underachieved like a bunch of john kerrys so far this year. anyways, how in the world could san francisco lose to the freakin' bears? never betting on SF for the rest of the season. rattay will be back but that's not going to make any difference. shaun alexander scores at least four TDs here.

SD (-6.5) over NO
the chargers at home? yeah! give me the chaaaaaaaargers.

STL (+2) over NE
the pats lost because of injuries last week, and the word on the street, or at least on espn.com is that they're still banged up. with ty law out, bulger is going to light 'em up. brady is good, but he needs to be more marino-like than montana-like right now for the pats to win. stay away from this one.

HOU (+6.5) over DEN
they say home field is worth three points. is denver more than a field goal better than the texans? maybe, but david carr and andre johnson make my football pants go crazy. also, take the over kids, take the over.

BAL (-6) over CLE
not having ogden makes the return of jamal lewis a little less exciting, but i think he'll have a big game at home against the team that he piled up 32000 yards against last season.

IND (-6) over MIN
they say that moss tore his hammy, which will keep him under full speed for another few weeks. and without him, daunte only throw 2 TDs instead of 5. besides, if the colts lose, they fall to 4-4 and i just can't imagine that happening. in related news, i just recently read a poll that said that NFL players consider peyton manning to be the smartest football player. i don't know about all that, but he is the NFL's biggest douchebag.

i took 8 home teams this week. i must be finally getting my head out of my ass.


Anonymous said...

fuck it-

BUF over NYJ - fuck it.

PIT over PHI - fucking fuck it.

DET over WAS - word on the street is that joe gibbs is really a grizzly bear that hibernates during the football season. but that's not the reason god hates him. more on that some other time.

CIN over DAL - america's team really isn't worth a damn, but they are moving to arlington, texas, fun city usa.

CAR over OAK - i see your logic, bob, but i think oakland just might have given up on the season.

AZ over MIA - fucking fuck it again.

KC over TB - the only thing that scares me here is tampa bay coming off the bye and having an answer for the half a hundred that kc's been hanging on people the last two weeks. unless dick vermeil is a child molester, the chiefs cover the spread. i'll say it again: if the chiefs do not cover, arrest dick vermeil.

NYG over CHI - the giants cover big, and in related new york news, joe torre has appointed himself dictator of the new separate nation of new york and has declared war on argentina. he has also appointed paul o'neill the new queen of england.

SEA over SF - i hate seattle, but i'll stick with what i said about this game earlier in the year.

NO over SD - mad scientist here likes the saints straight up.

STL over NE - i think too many people like the rams here, but there are good reasons for it, like new england's injuries, bill belichick's raging drug habit, and tom brady's crabs.

HOU over DEN - dammit, why does everyone like houston here? i thought i would be the only one. i wish i were special, but i'm a creep.

CLE over BAL - just give me the goddamn points, and shut the f up. i can take the browns if i feel like it.

IND over MIN - i would only go this way of moss is out. also, peyton manning is not only the league's biggest douchebag, but he is the number two douchebag in the whole country to that jared son of a bitch from subway.

Bob said...

wow, what hard hitting NFL coverage from the ragin' asian's pasadena correspondent. vermeil's penchant for buggery, belechick's smack problem, tom brady having AIDS, and paul o'neill's secret life as a transvestite. we should start calling fredo "scoop brady". keep up the good work scoop!

Anonymous said...

damn that child molesting vermeil. damn the whole child molesting league. this week fucking sucked.