3.26.2005

bonds conspiracy theory

for you fantasy baseball owners, you may have been slightly upset to find that barry bonds may not play until next season. however, if you were a smart fantasy owner, you wouldn't have drafted him because of the injuries and his age. but that's beside the point.

anyways, as i'm sure many of you saw on television, when barry announced that he wasn't going to be playing for a while, he did his usual "poor me" schtick and kept accusing the reporters and the media of trying to hurt him, and how they finally succeeded.

anyways, with steroids on the top of the agenda for the public relations department of MLB, i offer you a conspiracy theory about barry bonds and why we might not ever see him play again. my theory goes that barry really isn't injured and was basically told my bud selig and company to either take this season off until the steroid stuff blows over or to be outed as someone who did steroids. you see, bud selig just couldn't stand the thought of another one of his superstars being embroiled in a scandal, so he did what many believe happened to michael jordan during his first retirement.

for those of you who have never heard this theory, the story goes that mj's first retirement was actually a secret suspension by the league for jordan's well documented gambling habit. david stern, the commissioner of basketball knew that a public scandal involving the marquee player of not just the current league but probably for all time, would just kill the league's ability to print money (which it does today despite a completely inferior product). so jordan took his suspension and passed the time playing minor league ball, and when david stern saw that basketball couldn't do anything without the greatness of his airness, he secretly reinstated him, thereby ending his so called retirement. it's al circumstantial evidence, but it makes a hell of a lot more sense than quitting basketball when you are clearly still the best player in the league. it's something that i believe completely.

anyways, same thing with barry and the league. the grand poo-bah's of baseball decided that barry was just to hot for baseball right now. the potential for disaster with barry bonds is so high that they worked something out, either extorting him by threatening to go public with proof of his knowing steroid use (which i am almost 100% sure that MLB posesses) or they worked out some kind of monetary compensation.

whatever the case, this much is sure. barry has surely stopped taking roids. therefore his production is not going to be what it has been the past four or five years. if barry takes an extended period off from playing baseball, surely he cannot come back and play at the same level at his advanced age. which will only increase the suspicion that he was a steroids user. therefore it is quite likely that bonds has played his last game. and that means that bonds won't pass ruth or aaron as the all time home run king. which is something i think that baseball categorically does not want to have happen. like i said, this is all very conspiratorial (incidentally, i just read an article by noted sociologist charles perrow that says conspiracy theories are likely to proliferate during times of crisis and during times when leadership has established a pattern of not sharing information, which i think is the situation for baseball), but i think it makes a hell of a lot of sense. seriously, watch the interview again with the idea that bonds has been secretly suspended. it's just too obvious. anyways, if this is all true, then bud selig has fooled us all and has proved himself to be some kind of evil genius.

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