4.04.2005

an open letter to the kids from acton massachussetts

this is a little late, since the story came out last week, but some fifth graders from acton massachussetts are calling for the yankees and red sox to bury their rivalry and shake hands on the field. the claim is that it would promote sportsmanship for kids. i'd like for them to read the following letter.

hey kiddies, i've got some news for you. major leaguers don't give two craps about whether or not you learn sportsmanship. if they really believed in sportsmanship, then they wouldn't make as much money as they do. they make as much money as they do because they'll do whatever it takes to win, which by definition, is the opposite of sportsmanship. sure your teachers are encouraging you to pursue this, but then they're also going to teach you inherently racist and sexist histories that will in turn cause you to perpetuate these societal ills for years to come. not very sportsmanlike, i'd say. also, you might notice that your teachers are milking the spotlight and professional athletes and sports teams that make millions off of overcharging you for a declining (and in the case of baseball, tainted by steroids) product are pretending to care in order to get positive pub. in other words, they're promoting themselves by taking advantage of you.

and let's be honest. yankees fans and red sox fans are both really obnoxious jerks. they all think that they're better than us. yankees fans because they're able to buy good teams every year and red sox fans who think that sticking by a loser for so many years somehow translates into moral superiority. and you know what? no matter what you're dumbass teachers tell you, the world is not a worse off place because of them. if anything, it's a much funnier world.

although i suspect that most of your own reasons for participating in this very project are not very genuine. you are kids and like most kids you crave attention. i doubt very sincerely that you actually give two craps about sportsmanship yourself and you just want to find a way to get derek jeter's autograph. all this stuff about how kids are innocent is a bunch of bs. if kids were left to their own devices you don't think that they wouldn't steal/lie/cheat to acquire candy/toys. if you kids are so innocent, then why is school culture so shallow and materialistic?

my point here is not to try and stop you. you are what you are, and what i think probably won't reach you anyways, and even if it did, i doubt sincerely that you would take the time to see where i'm coming from. but i suspect everyone from your parents to local media pundits are telling you how great you are for doing this, and how you're doing the right thing. i just needed to let you know that you are making the claim that you are trying to do something that is morally right, when in fact, there can really be no moral claim either way, and what you're actually doing is simply trying to make yourself out to be some kind of great person. well, you're not. and in the ragin' asian's book, that makes you a bunch of douchebags. you heard me right, i just called a bunch of grade schoolers that i've never met a bunch of douchebags. welcome to real world kids, there's nothing sportsmanlike about it.

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