6.20.2005

hi t. cruise, this is your reality check


hi tom,

i know that you've been under a lot of pressure lately, what with having to kiss someone with a vagina in public lately, but calling the guy who squirted your face with water (insert your own katie holmes getting squirted in the face by tom cruise joke here) the other day, just really doesn't make a lot of sense. tell me tom, which do you think is higher, the number of people who think this guy is a jerk for playing a harmless prank, or the number of people who think you are a jerk for telling women with post partum depression that their depression is not real, or the number of people who think you are a jerk from taking away sweet clean katie holmes from us and turning her into a weirdo, or the number of gay dudes who jerk off to the volleyball scene from top gun*? maybe you were just irritable because your engrams were out of sync. you should go get that checked out. my point is tom, you just need to lighten up. calling people names isn't going to make your PR problems go away.

peace out,
the ragin' asian

* seriously, could top gun have been any more homoerotic? the shower scenes? kenny loggins' "playing with the boys" playing in the background during the volleyball scene?

p.s. i just looked up the lyrics to "playing with the boys". here's a sample
I'm moving in slow motion
Feels so good
It's a strange anticipation
Knock, knock, knocking on wood
Bodies working overtime
Man against man
And all that ever matters
Is baby who's ahead in the game
Funny but it's always the same
if that's not gay, then i'll join the scientologists.

9:44AM: UPDATE! - you can watch the referenced money shot here (from BBC.com, also, if you're using firefox, you have to save the link to the desktop and then open it from there). seriously folks, doesn't stuff like this make you realize that the internet is the greatest thing ever? well this and the porn of course.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

if by gay, you mean badass, then yes, top gun is gay. so what. so that volleyball scene is super-badass and that makes me mega-super-badass for watching it slow motion with my pants off. so effing what.