everybody's just a big ol' douchebag

douchebag #1 - terrell owens. ok kids, let me preface this with saying that usually when it comes to athlete management disputes, you're talking to someone who almost always sides with the athlete. that being said, the t.o. situation in philadelphia has gone from bad to worse. after getting kicked out of training camp for a week, he's gone on to do interviews with PTI, chris berman, and i saw his this morning on sportscenter with scott van pelt (to see any of this, just go to espn's video page). and that's just the espn stuff that i check regularly. i think that yesterday i saw him give an interview to the media from his house while doing curls. good shtick, but a little wacky, even for me. what you see here is someone who thinks that the eagles and the media are conspiring against him to make him look like an ass. here's my message to T.O., presidential assassinations and genocide are the kind of things that require conspiracies. discrediting a cry-baby prima-donna athlete who's homophobic (or deeply closeted) and constantly badmouths his teammates doesn't need a conspiracy. i want so bad to root for terrell owens, but even i, the athletic apologist can't get behind him on this.

douchebag #2 - MLB and the players union. kenny rogers who was suspended for picking a fight with a cameraman, had his suspension reduced to 13 games. an indepedent arbitrator rules that commisioner selig had violated the procedural terms of the collective bargaining agreement and thusly should have never been the one to suspend rogers in the first place. so in other words, rogers got off on a technicality. if one of selig's underlings had handed down the suspension, everything would have been kosher. as if that wasn't bad enough, the arbitrator also ruled that his fine could just be changed into a charitable donation in kenny's name. so not only does he not have to pay the fine to MLB (who would have donated that money to a charity as is standard operating procedure), he gets to write it off on his taxes. additionally, by appealing the suspension, kenny got to play in the allstar game where he earned a $50,000 bonus. he actually made money on this! so for kenny's actions, all he got was a week and a half vacation and tax write off. if it were me, i would've suspended him for the rest of the year and made him forfeit the rest of his salary for the year. you also know that rogers feel vindicated and that he thinks that he has been affirmed that he no moral transgression was committed when he assaulted a man who was simply doing his job. and baseball continues its slide to irrelevancy.

douchebag #3 - michael jordan (special local edition!). apparently when his airness was in santa barbara for his summer basketball camp, him and some of his buddies started a fire near the golf course that they were playing at. according to the story, part of jordan's party was probably at the hole where the fire started when it started. it also says that jordan probably wasn't in the foursome, but can probably identify who was there. so far, no cooperation with local authorities from the jordan camp. just a real douchebag statement that reads:
As the authorities have noted, Michael Jordan had no involvement in the fire at Rancho San Marcos Golf Course in Santa Barbara, California. He was golfing at the golf course when the fire occurred and he praises the actions of the firefighters. He is also pleased that no one was injured in the fire (douchebag emphasis added by the ragin' asian).
ughhh. just f-in tell them who was golfing with you for chrissakes. you're a billionaire and any of the sycophantic-butt-licking-flunkies that were with you can't expect any kind of loyalty when they start a freakin' forest fire!

douchebag #4 - pro sports unions. it looks like some football players are going to be exposed as steroids users. i've said it before, but of all of the sports, football is the one where it is most obvious that steroids is a problem. and part of the problem is that the sports unions, rather than look out for the real working rights of their players, they just look out for their star players. this of course gives unions a bad name, especially in a time when the labor movement doesn't need it. of course, the mlb union is just as sorry. in addition to the whole kenny rogers' situation, they're going to fight raffy's suspension on a technicality as well. there also some buzz that there are at least 5 or 6 players who have tested positive for steroids but because of the appeals process spelled out by the collective bargaining agreement, have not yet been suspended. which again only proves that despite a bunch of idiots who say otherwise, steroids is more prevelant, exactly as the supposedly exploitive and sensationalistic press says it is.

douchebag #5 - national abortion and reproductive rights action league. they recently recalled an ad against suprmemcourt nominee john roberts saying that he supported extreme prolife groups including a convicted abortion clinic bomber. no i'm as pro-choice as any lefty, but here are their statements regarding the pullnig of the ad
Unfortunately, the debate over that advertisement has become a distraction from the serious discussion we hoped to have with the American public.

We also regret that many people have misconstrued our recent advertisement about Mr. Roberts' record
and as any savvy media analyst will tell you, they're trying to sidestep the issue that they didn't do their homework and ran an ad that they knew probably wouldn't stand up to scrutiny. and of course, this only contributes to the inability to get any real dialogue on this issue, which is something that the right normally does. and it makes all of us pro-choice people look bad. i just don't understand why they can't admit their mistake, or why any of these people can't admit their mistakes, which leads up to...

douchebag #6 - the philadelphia eagles. just cuz t.o. is being a baby doesn't mean that he's not right. he's not in the top 10 in terms of receiver's salary and he's at least the third or fourth best receiver in the league. as i've always said, there's a double standard when it comes to sports' franchises and athletes. while athletes, especially black athletes, are expected to just take whatever management gives them even if it is unfair, management is allowed to cut players or force them to renegotiate all in the name of saving money. why shouldn't t.o. get paid better? he deserves a raise, and if the eagles were really the good guys in this whole episode, then they would compensate t.o. fairly. just because he signed a contract doesn't mean that the contract is fair. of course the good news from all this is the NFC east is now wide open since with or without t.o. the eagles will be worse for the wear, and that opens up the door for america's greatest sports franchise to march back to glory, and proves once again, that america and god hate the philadelphia eagles.

please feel free to add anyone to this list of recent people who are guilty of douchebaggery in the comments section.

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