bobby the gook, week 2

apologies for the lack of blogging, but my football weinie has been going crazy this week, so i've most of my time has been dedicated to overseeing some games of chance and my fantasy teams. i sucked it big time last week. what can i say? i should have stuck with the home team, as they went 11-5 this week. me? while i did have a losing record, i did have the most ideal losing record in 6-9. get it? anyways, not only did the goddammed niners blow my fifty dolalr bet, but they also blew my parlay as well. so that's a big whopping 2 points this week. fredo, meanwhile, fredo went 8-8 and niners f'ed him in the a as well for his parlay. but he did get the bonus for his fifty dollar bet. so fredo wins week 1, 7-2. lots of work for me to do, but we'll get em. anyways, on with this weeks picks. home team in caps, lines from betonsports.com.

bal (-3.5) over TEN
the ravens can suck my big balls for not derailing the colts in their season opener. but at the same time, any secondary is going to look bad against the peyton. the titans, well, what's to like? ravens are the sensible choice here.

HOU (+6.5) over pit
i'm just not ready to give up on the texans just yet. david carr really sucked balls last week. but like i've said before, we've seen the flashes of greatness out of him. i'm going to go on the theory that willie parker's breakout game last week was a fluke. not to say that the steelers won't win, but they won't score as many points, and i think the texans can keep it close at home.

IND (-9) over jax
it's really tempting to take those points here. but indy at home...i just don't see it happening this week for the jags.

CHI (+1) over det
yeah, my lions pick last week was pretty stupid, but i still think that the lions have problems on offense. i know that chicago's offense looked rather pitiful against the skins, but i got a good feeling about this team.

CIN (-3) over min
seriously, daunte played the worst game of his entire life. but even more importantly, i think we saw that the minnesota offense is suffering from the same thing it always has suffered from, no running game. meanwhile, the bengals looked impressive in their win over the browns last week. the points are tempting here, but i'll just stick with the home team here.

buf (+2.5) over TB
not really sure about this line. sure tampa bay looked pretty good last week, but buffalo's d looked dominant last week. i didn't get to see it, but fredo also said that losman looked ok in the first quarter. besides gruden is just too sorry to win two in a row.

ne (-3.5) over CAR
losing jenkins is huge for the panthers. my over bet for the panthers is not looking so good any more. and the pats...well, as we're fond of saying, we're going to ride this train until it stops.

atl (pk) over SEA
this line is a little fishy as well. but i thought that the falcons looked great on monday night. the seahawks also looked like the ass of a dog for the second half last week. holmgren is just terrible and yes, i do think he stabbed shaun alwexander in the back last year. the hawks pay for it dearly here. i'm feelin' a little frisky here, so give me fifty bucks on michael vick's incredibly hot black body.

stl (pk) over ARI
two teams that underacheived greatly last week. i think that the rams offense will be ok, and they just got caught with their pants down last week. as for the cards, i can't get off this bandwagon fast enough.

mia (+6) over NYJ
ok, so maybe nick saban is a good coach, but let's not get too carried away. he was facing the worst quarterback to ever emerge from the satanic institution of arizona state university. as for the jets, pennington is clearly not 100 percent. but here's the deal, i don't think he's that good anyways. i'm starting to think that herm edwards may get the axe this season.

GB (-6.5) over cle
clearly the week's worst game. green bay is going to suck this year, but the browns are still worse.

sd (+2.5) over DEN
man do i love betting against the snake. if i was in vegas, i'd bet this one pretty hard.

kc (-1.5) over OAK
i don't get this line. i know that the raiders are at home, but their defense looked mediocre while the chief's looked pretty good. not that it matters as i suspect that the teams will score 50+ points in this game. if you have any of the starters in fantasy land, you should start them all.

DAL (-6) over was
dan snyder so wishes that he was jerry jones...but he sure ain't. hi mark brunell, i'd like you to say hello to my friend demarcus ware.

no (+3) over NYG
ah what the hell, let's just get on board with the sob story and pretend that the saints 2-0 start is somehow helping the hurricane victims. i'm not saying that it's not a nice story, but to somehow say that the success of the saints somehow makes life better for these refugees, well, that's just plain naive. and f eli manning.

SF (pk) over phi
this one has actually been taken off the board because of mcnabb's injury. i'll just go on the assumption that he's not playing, and philly's continues to unravel setting the stage for the cowboys to win the nfc east.

bonus props! turns out fred and i are playing each other in one of our fantasy leagues. so we're going to handicap our fantasy game for the opportunity for 4 bonus points. things are really getting out of hand, i know. anyways, my roommate, erik love has taken the time to analyze our rosters and he has set the line as fredo (-2) over bob, citing duece mcallister's inspirational performance for the hurricane victims as the difference.. as you can imagine, i think erik is an ignorant douchebag of gigantic proportions and i'll obviously go with my team. we'll just go ahead and just assign this little bet as good for one point. the other bet i want to give is the over/under on the number of touchdowns that both of our teams combined will score (passing, rushing, recieving, and defensive). so i'll set that number at 13.5. i guess i'll take the over here. this bet is good for three points. again, both bets are minus one if we miss them.

UPDATE 09-13-05 5:20PM - there's a news report that mcnabb is back practicing again, and betonsports.com has the line in the PHI/sf as PHI (-13.5). i also got the home team wrong in the original post. so, since fredo hasn't posted yet, i'm going to allow myself to change my bet. with mcnabb in there at home, philly rolls.


Erik said...

Dammit, Bob -- you are still a fucking idiot. The reason Detroit destroyed the cheeseheads last week was because of some damn good defense -- holding Farrrrv and the nation's oldest offense to a mere 3 measly points. What in the name of Barry Sanders makes you think that Orton and the nation's least experienced offense will somehow fare better? Not to mention that Charles Rogers is somehow still playing and Harrington has yet to throw an interception this year (which is really opening up the "Interceptions" franchise for Bledsoe and Manning). Detroit's withering offense might have a bit of trouble against the impressive Chicago defense, but in the end, the Super Bowl home team will score more points.

And Baltimore, with their backup QB, over McNabb? Holy shit you're a fucking idiot.

If I were you I'd hurry up and take that trade I'm offering you in fantasy so you have a fighting chance.

Bob said...

it's times like these when you can't even get a fucking name right that we know who has all the football brains in this house.

first off, the name of the tennessee qb is mcnair. second off, he's older than dirt, and the titans suck. lastly, even if it were mcnabb, he has a chest contusion and is currently listed as questionable and nobody knows if he's going to go this week.

in regards to the fantasy trade, you have the tightest anus in the history of fantasy football trades. you basicaly won't do a deal unless you get four guys for a crappy player. i didn't want to take this think to the press, but you have forced my hand. these negotiations are over.

Mrs. Brady said...

Come on ride that train. Ride it. Uh uh.

alfredo said...

bal(-3.5) over TEN - i don't like this one much, but i didn't like last week's tennessee game either, and that turned out just fine. (also erik - mcnabb/mcnair - those black qb's all look the same to you, don't they?)

pit(-6.5) over HOU - i have some friends visiting from houston this weekend, and i know how i hate to be traveling when my team is playing. based on that science, i will go with the steelers.

jax(+9) over IND - jax beat indy at indy last year, and everyone knows how peyton manning is in a fragile place with the armageddon of new orleans and all. therefore, peyton throws this game in order to take himself back to the past when he was safe and he had a home. it almost makes too much sense.

det(-1) over CHI - bob, when will you learn? this year's lions are the best team in the history of sports.

CIN(-3) over min - i think mike tice just blows this game somehow. fuck him.

TB(-2.5) over buf - this doesn't add up at all. dammit, i smell a trap. (they should use that line in douche commercials.)

ne(-3.5) over CAR - team chemistry wins again.

atl(pk) over SEA - in what has become a weekly contest between me and bob for michael vick's love, let me say: i love when michael vick rolls out while 2 or 3 linemen and linebackers just flail at his feet. he is forever just out of reach. he's one of the best damn athletes that i've ever seen. i also like his smile. the man makes me gay. i love you, michael vick. i'll see you at the super bowl.

ARI(pk) over stl - why the hell not?

NYJ(-6) over mia - i don't like this much. i feel like i never pick the afc east very well.

cle(+6.5) over GB - in a matchup between two teams with very questionable names, packer fans will realize that this season is going to be a disaster. note that favre will want to electrocute himself at halftime, but america won't allow the overrated interception machine to go out on anything less than a cross.

sd(+2.5) over DEN - the menstral periods of tomlinson, gates, and brees all coincide and victory is theirs in a hard-fought and bloody battle with the broncos of denver. put me down for fifty here. i was tempted by vick (hey-oh!) but i want to have a different big bet than you.

kc(-1.5) over OAK - so both road teams pull out the early AFC west showdowns? very interesting. almost makes me want to go the other way on this one, but i won't.

DAL(-6) over was - i'll be fucked in the ass by a grizzly bear holding shaq's severed dick before i bet on the redskins.

no(+3) over NYG - eli manning throws this game for similar reasons as his brother. plus, he's been betting the saints hard all his life, and he ain't about to stop now. shoot, it's all that country boy knows.

sf(+13.5) over philly - i'll go against all three evil components of the nfc east this week. i think philly wins the game, but san fran hangs around long enough to make the eagles nervous. by week seven or so, the eagles will be paying a visit to apollo creed's old gym in a bid to regain the eye of the tiger.

BONUS: i'll give up the points and take my nuts hurt even though yahoo has projected me as a 7 point underdog. i'll also take the over on the total TD's because 3 points is ridculous here, bob. stop trying to make up the deficit in one week, you bastard.

alfredo said...

fuck this week and the redskins and the bears for eric.