9.16.2005

slurpees



i didn't knw this until i read this slate article, but this year marks the 40th birthday of one of the single greatest inventions of all time, the slurpee. there's really nothing that interesting about the article other than it is well written.
Explaining the appeal of the Slurpee is a bit like explaining the appeal of pure oxygen or terrific sex: Those who don't get it are simply not to be trusted. Slurpees are divine because of their unapologetic garishness, a giddy reminder that no amount of sugar is ever too much.
in the article, there's some other part about how 7-11 has adjusted their marketing strategy to try and capture urban hipsters trying to be ironic by reliving their suburban youth, but that's not why i'm writing about this.

aside from the fact that i love slurpees, this post provides a convenient excuse to publicly present what i have dubbed my slurpee defense of capitalism, or as fredo and i like to call it, crapitalism, rock me! anyways, like any left leaning academic, i have serious misgivings about capitalism. but for some reason, i can't get myself to fully commit to opposing it and trying to cause its overthrow. this is going to sound a bit like a dennis leary routine, but here's why. one of the great things about these united states is that virtually anywhere, if you want a cherry slurpee at 3:30AM you can go get one. and i don't even mean when you are jonesing for snackage after getting blitzed. i'm talking about when you're just in one of those moods and you can't sleep and you want a slurpee. you can get in your car, and in several cases, you can even just walk a few blocks to the nearest 7-11 and get a slurpee. and the simple fact is, that without capitalism, none of this would be possible. i'd like to see fidel castro or kim jong il come up with something so sweet and so refreshing at the same time. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that the continued oppression of the proletariat is worth it so that i can get a slurpee any effin' time i effin' want, but you must admit, it's a much tougher question that you initially thought isn't it?

1 comment:

daraka kenric said...

I promise that under socialism, there will be slurpees.

-daraka

Although, in one bad sign, Norwegian 7-11's don't sell them. That may be a weather thing, though.