bobby the gook, week 11

stretch drive time kids...this is the time of the year where the men get separated from the boys, unless of course we're talking about this one horse race between fredo and myself. it's getting ugly at this point. my little opposite week experiment of course backfired horribly. if i had just stuck with what i thought would be good picks, i would have had 11 pts to fredo's 7. instead, i end up with 7 points and no ground gained on my wily mexican friend. no more hijinx for me, i'll just be johnny cash and walk the line. despite that however, i must make mention that it was a stellar week otherwise...fredo and i placed in our pool and are due somewhere in the area of 100 bucks or so...couple that with a magnificent cowboys win on monday night and well, i can't complain. bill simmons column this week says that this is where you should really take a look at what's happened this season and recategorize the teams and adjust your betting strategy accordingly. good advice i say. anyways, on with the picks...after last week, the score is fredo -89, me - 68. at this point a lot would have to go wrong for fredo to lose, so i am going to suggest a way in which we can make it more interesting. true it provides me a way to win that i wouldn't otherwise have, but it's either that or we just ride out the schedule. i propose that in addition to our usual bonus games, there be two points awarded to whoever wins the week. like i said before, i know that if we had been doing this from the beginning of the year, i'd be even farther behind, but i just thought i'd throw that out there. fredo, feel free to veto this idea if you're a scared little bitch. no seriously, you have veto power on this one. home team in caps, point spread from caesar's.

car (-3) over CHI
that bears game last week was one of the weirdest games i've seen. the returned missed field goal is always good for yucks, but ultimately, it was a battle between two crappy offenses and that's never any fun. barring any crazy weather this week in windy city, i see the panthers rolling.

TEN (+4) over jax
everyone in the world seems to like the titans here. i myself, can't really see it, but far be it from me to argue with anyone else. i do think that the jags are still not as good as their record indicates, though, so i'm not totally copying everyone else.

ind (-6) over CIN
the bengals are almost there, but their defense still has a little ways to go before they can be real contenders. besides, you don't think that the league is going to do everything in its power to get the whitey wet dream qb peyton manning to 16-0? the fix is in starting now kids!

NE (-10) over no
i really don't like this game either way. i really hate taking the pats since last week's win was more a result of miami's ineptitude than it was the patriots' being any good. but no one in their right mind should take the saints on the road.

STL (-10) over ari
see previous game.

ATL (-6) over tam
also, no one in their right mind should take chris simms on the road. this line should be bigger now that i think about it. i think people are overrating simms performance last week. he could just have easily lost the game and then i think people will temper excitement over the most overrated college qb in the world. incidentally, for some reason it makes a lot of sense to me that jon gruden and chris simms are having a secret homosexual relationship. discuss.

WAS (-6) over oak
i have to officially get off the randy moss bandwagon for this season. just this season mind you, but the raiders offense has been disappointing to say the least. by the way clinton portis' interview shtick has been awesome. i'm hoping that next week, he comes out with a big afro wig and a stethoscope and does the interview as dr. negro or something like that.

DAL (-8) over det
the battle of 33 s soledad as my roommate's team goes against mine. here's some statistics for you to ponder. detroit has lost something like 36 out of their last 38 on the road. in games where joey harrington registers a +100 qb rating like he did last week the highest he's ever followed up with is a 50 qb rating. and for those of you who are holding out hope that jeff garcia will come in and save the day, excluding the t.o. on the star game, the cowboys own garcia. give. me. fifty.

NYG (-7.5) over phi
instead of opposite week, this week i'm doing the NFC east at home week. actually, it looks like i'm pretty much doing the home favorites this week. also, not that you need me to tell you, but philly's season is over.

mia (+2.5) over CLE
ha! fooled you...yeah...there's just no reason to take cleveland here. i semi-suspect a trap of some sort, but miami is just a better team.

sea (-13) over SFO
if you remember correctly, the seahawks beat the niners something like 800-2 last year. i'm going to stop waiting for seattle to eff up this year and just ride them ito the playoffs. lastly, here's some shock value for you. shuan alexander piles up his yards on just 2 or 3 big plays a game. other than that, i think he's a little soft.

SD (-11) over buf
that's a whole lot of points, but i can't in good conscience take j.p. losman on the road. the bills effed up big time with this draft pick, this kid just doesn't have it.

DEN (-13.5) over nyj
dammit, i hate these points. plus i'm sticking with my home favorites theme this week.

BAL (+4) over pit
seriously, isn't it painful to watch tommy maddox play. remember when he was the feel good story of the NFL like two years ago? now people in pittsburgh are trying to rape his kids. sad times for the maddox clan. time to go back to hurst and sell insurance again tommy.

kc (-7) over HOU
larry johnson is going to score at least three touchdowns as bob's fantasy team, stab 'n' eff sticks its dingus up the anus of fredo's team, the sex criminals.

GB (-4.5) over min
this one is too easy and i'd put fifty on this one were it not for the fact that i want to rub my roommate's face into the pile of dogshit that is the detroit lions. the vikings used up their karma last week while effing a million and one parlays.

bonus props! it's bob v. fredo week again in fantasy football. so first off, we'll wager on the fantasy matchup. yahoo has me as a 7 point favorite. the best matchup seems to be between our defenses, as i have carolina going against the bears while fred has the steelers going against the ravens which yahoo predicts both will score 7 points, so let's make leg 2 be who gives up more points, the panthers or the steelers, and along those lines, let's finish up the trifecta with the battle of the shitty qb's named kyle. leg 2 will be who throws more ints, boller or orton. ummm...let's make orton the .5 int favorite here.

so to sum up.

leg 1 - stab 'n' eff (-7) vs. sex criminals
leg 2 - points allowed: carolina (pk) vs. pittsburgh
leg 3 - ints thrown: orton(-0.5) vs. boller

give me stab 'n' eff, pittsburgh, and boller. usual scoring +1 for correct, -1 for incorrect, +2 bonus for getting all three.


alfredo said...

give me:


sex crims

Erik said...

Bob, you're a fucking idiot.

Dallas may have a better defense, a decent running game, and an asshat wideout -- but Detroit is destiny's team this year.

We've got a renewed offense which will overcome our 24 defensive injuries. Plus, your rusty-ass, coming-off-the-bye QB will throw us at least a couple of picks which will allow us to out burn the barn.

Detroit 21 - Dallas 17. And the 33 cup will be mine.

And for a change I agree with most of the rest of your picks except for sea (the line is too big) and cincy.

Man, I can't wait to watch Harrington spike the ball on the star.