bobby the gook week 17

i'm on vacation dammit, get off my back! last week, me 3 points, fredo 14 (i missed my parlay, fredo hit his). score going into the last week...a virtually insurmountable lead for fredo 159, me 122. with a 37 point lead, it looks like i'm just picking these games to play out the string. plus there's no telling with last week as playoff teams rest their starters and stuff. as always, home team in caps, point spreads from caesars.

den (+10.5) over SD
OAK (+8) over nyg
ari (+7) over IND
bal (-3) over CLE
buf (-1.5) over NYJ
ATL (+3.5) over car
chi (-4) over MIN
KC (-7.5) over cin ($50)
det (+14.5) over PIT (that one's for you erik)
NE (-6) over mia
TAM (-14) over no
SFO (-1) over hou
ten (+4) over JAX
GB (-4.5) over sea (packers, please win so that favre can retire)
DAL (-12.5) over stl

do you guys know any way to make up a 39 point deficit? me neither, give me a 15 team parlay. the sad thing is, i still don't know if that will be enough.


bobby the gook, week 16

in a way, my season has mirrored that of the dallas cowboys. wildly inconsistent, but at times dominating, and at other times, completely not showing up. fredo on the other hand has been as consistent as a dog taking a crap on a walk. i got 8 games, and fredo got 10. we both got the big bet, however, i would like to submit that there is some possible controversey over the bonus props. if you notice, last week fredo had submitted his picks at 3:30 on saturday, well after the patriots win and halfway into the giants win. now if this were a real sportsbook, those games would obviously not count. however, since it is fredo, i will just have to rely on his honor. unless of course, erik love, the unofficial arbitrator of the bob ngo/fred rivers pick 'em and stick 'em fun game, rules that i should allow fredo the bonus points. which would mean a six point swing, and leave me all but out of contention for the remainder of the season. until i hear otherwise, i'll go ahead and count fredo's parlay. so the score is currently is 145-119 in favor of fredo. on with the picks, home team in caps, point spreads from caesar's. also, since i'm doing this on vacation, expect much less in the way of analysis.

CIN (-14) over buf
the bills were a bit frisky last week in covering, but the bengals are just rolling right now. in fact, i'll go ahead and go out on a limb here and say that i think that if the AFC championship game was colts bengals, i would take the bengals.

CLE (+7) over pit
the steelers really put the beat down on the vikes last week, but i think that the browns are going to start their turnaround story of 2006 right now.

KC (+1.5) over sd
i'm so mad at myself. i've been saying all season that the chargers were going to be the ones to defeat the colts, and when it came time to put my money where my mouth is, i completley chickened out. not this time. earlier in the year, i said that the chargers are going to end up missing the playoffs, and i'm going to stick with that theory.

ten (+5.5) over MIA
i'm starting to hate picking against nick saban, the same way i hate picing against belichick but i am envisioning mcnair putting it together for a late season surge as he starts to audition for other teams.

jax (-6.5) over HOU
the texans got their good game out of the way with the arizona win. look for a blowout here.

NO (-3) over det
i actually like the lions' chances here, but i just can't pick harrington on the road.

CAR (-5.5) over dal
as much as i'd like to believe that the cowboys will pull it together, i just can't see them picking themselves up after last week's debacle in washington. eff drew bledsoe and eff bill parcells.

nyg (+3) over WAS
i suppose i'm committing a cardinal sin by picking eli mannin on the road here, but i gotta make up some ground.

TAM (-3) over atl
i'm starting to be really disappointed whenever i see mike vick playing. shouldn't be the greatest quarterback who ever lived by now?

sfo (+9.5) over STL
can't pick the rams again this year.

ARI (-1) over phi
not that i like josh mccown, but i certainly don't like mike mcmahon on the road.

SEA (pk) over ind
the line is off for some reason. i'm guessing the whole tony dungee son is dead thing. my own personal theory is that larry csonka is culprit. after the colts lost, he still wanted to send a strong message to future 13-0 teams.

oak (+13.5) over DEN
dammit that's a lot of points...i just have a feeling that kerry collins will pull a great game out of his ass, since he's basicallly auditioning for other teams like mcnair.

chi (-7) over GB
it's sad to see brett favre suck as much as he does these days. can you believe that this is a three time MVP winner?

BAL (-3) over min

ne (-5.5) over NYJ
full on conspiracy theory here to get reggie bush in the nation's largest media market. fifty bucks.

bonus props! got to make up ground so give me....

5 team parlay


bobby the gook, week 15

looks like i spoke too soon last week. to be honest, there wasn't a whole lot of preparation on my part which may be part of the problem. anyways, you'd figure that with school being out for the holiday, that i'd have more time to devote to football contemplation. you'd be wrong however. i've been busy vanquishing orcs and night elves in warcraft III. but this is crunch time, in the NFL. the freakin' playoff picture gets clearer and clearer with each passing week, and it seems obvious to anyone that the colts are practically a mortal lock to win the super bowl this year. the only team that i can imagine beating the colts this year are the bengals in the afc championship game or the cowboys in the superbowl. ok, maybe not the cowboys, but i definitely am hoping that the colts stumble, only because peyton is a sorry a-hole and doesn't deserve the title of history's greatest team, which if they go undefeated and win the big one, they undoubtedly will. anyways, that's enough with the hatin', let's get on with this game. last week, i got 5 freakin' games right, missed the 50 and lost out on both 2 team parlays. that'd be a total of 0 points. however, fredo didn't fare much better, with 5 games right, missing the parlay and missing his 3 team parlay. that'd be exactly 1 point, so there's not much change in the standings as fredo maintains his lead, 128-115. as always, home team in caps, point spreads from caesars.

NE (-4.5) over tam
yeah...simms on the road, against a new england team that is starting to hit its stride...i'll take golden boy brady over golden boy simms.

NYG (-2.5) over kc
as good as a win as that was for the cowboys last week, it was an equally bad loss for the chiefs. the chiefs have to be kicking themselves for letting that get away in the same week that san diego lays an egg. is it possible that kc and the chargers both don't make the playoffs? i think so.

den (-9) over BUF
is there any reason to take the bills this season? i can't think of one.

MIN (+3.5) over pit
yeah the steelers had a good win last week, but indoors on the road? i just can't do that. and honestly, i don't think that the charges that were filed this week against the minnesota for the sex boat isn't going to affect the vikings. i might also take the under here (41).

IND (-7.5) over sd
ughhh....i want the chargers to beat the colts so bad...but i can't pick against the colts at home with anything less than 10 points.

JAX (-16) over sfo
to be honest, i don't know if the jags can even muster 16 points with their type of offense. but as always, the niners don't have a goddammed thing. look for another 3 turnovers from alex smith.

TEN (-7) over sea
to take the home dog or not to take the home dog. classic look ahead game for the seahawks, as they have their sights on beating indy the following week. give me the points.

ari (-2) over HOU
i'm like everyone else and am starting to think that the texans are tanking on purpose to win the reggie bush sweepstakes. well that and they are el stinko.

MIA (-9) over nyj
contestant number 2 in the reggie bush sweepstakes are the J-E-T-S. not that they're tanking games, but saban is proving to be an awesome coach. the dolphins should be 3-12 right now. but they're not because of the coaching.

car (-9) over NO
the panthers have been terribly inconsistent this year. and since they stunk last week, they'll be good this week. plus the saints are going with todd boumann at QB. which can't be much worse than aaron brooks, but it'll be close.

dal (+3) over WAS
sorry, i won't pick against the boys here. but i'd be a little worried if i were a cowboys fan.

cin (-8) over DET
heh heh...this line should be at least 12 points. in some ways, i almost think that the bengals would be better if they played indoors. if for no other reason than chad johnson would score more touchdowns and we get treated to more touchdown dances. this week, when he scores, he should jump into the ford gield stands and start the "fire millen" chant. give me 50.

cle (+3) over OAK

phi (+3.5) over STL
i hate the rams. they are my version of fredo's broncos. i never ever get them right. i have a lot to say about the whole NAACP/Donavan McNabb thing, that i'll post about later today. but since he's not playing it doesn't matter. on a related note, i really need torry holt to score a touchdown this week if i'm to have any chance in my fantasy football playoff game.

CHI (-3) over atl
really not sure about this one. i can see m. vick going off just to prove to people that he's not a pansy injury prone player.

gb (+3) over BAL
favre on monday night, we know how this goes.

bonus props! a lot of these games seem easy to me, so i'll try a big parlay here

5 team: NE, CIN, ARI, MIN, MIA


for all the diesel haters out there

shaq continues his pursuit of a career in law enforcement.

this is nothing new, but there is something in the article that i think was really interesting:
And in September he did just that. After seeing a man throw a bottle and yell anti-gay slurs at a passer-by, O'Neal trailed the man and helped an officer arrest him as a hate-crime suspect.
come on people, shaq 4 president!


bobby the gook, week 14

woohoo! after last week's stellar performance, i am a little more back in this than i was last week. it's weird. last year, both fredo and i started out strong and then started to falter towards the end of the season, and it seems to be the opposite this year. if i could only get to vegas next week. although i should day that last week featured an easy slate. in my money pool, the average person got 10 games right. so who knows what the eff is going on. and while i hope to build on last week's performance, i gotta be honest and say i don't have a very good feel for this week's games. some interesting numbers this week. anyways, last week, i got 12 freakin gamees right, plus 1 for the 50 dollar bet, and i hit both parlays for an incredible 16 points. i also get a two point bonus for beating fredo this week, so that gives me 31 points for the week! fredo got 10 games, plus his fifty dollar game, but minus 3 for his parlay, for a total of 6 points. that's right folks 31-6. unfortunately, fredo has built up a big enough lead so that he's still ahead in this thing 127-115. on with the picks, points spreads from caesar's, home team in caps.

CAR (-5.5) over tam
looks like the panthers are poised to take the NFC south title to the bank. although the bucs dominated the saints defensively, they still barely pulled it out of their ass. fifty, fifty, fifty.

ne (-3.5) over BUF
last week was the bills last stand. and in some weird conspiracy to get the patriots yet another shot at the super bowl, the AFC east is the worst it has been in years. by the way, tom brady was recently named sports illustrated sportsman of the year. i'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, but it was kinduva down year for individual sports performances. if i were in charge, i would've made T.O. sportsman of the year for having the most impact on their team, positive or otherwise.

stl (+7) over MIN
we're gonna keep playing the rams being better as underdogs theory. i know that this is not a very smart pick but all this talk about minnesota being this much better with brad johnson at quarterback is a little overblown.

chi (+6) over PIT
either this line is completely wrong or it's a trap. i know that chicago's offense is bad, but what pittsburgh looks like they're going to miss out on the playoffs after a good start.

oak (-3) over NYJ
usually this is the season where you almost always take the home dog, but since this has been a weird season, i'll do the opposite. plus, give me the asian qb over brooks bollinger any day.

ind (-8.5) over JAX
like in minnesota, all talk of david garrard being better than leftwich is overblown. i knwo that this is as good as any week for the colts to falter, but i have a feeling about the chargers being the team to do it. besides, indy is awesome against the line this year.

hou (+7) over TEN
fredo got all cute with the titans last week and it cost him. the texans on the other hand have lost a handful of really tough luck games. it's almost like they're cursed or something, although since they're an expansion franchise, there's nothing that they could have done to curse them. maybe they're paying the price for the audacity to name their team "the texans" as if that other team in texas wasn't already the greatest team in the history of time, let alone the great lone star state.

CIN (-13.5) over cle
now the browns losing braylon edwards for a year...that's the stuff of curses. i just don't know what cleveland has got that get's them anything over 13 points. and if as chad johnson predicts, the bengals score 40+ points from here on out....well you do the math.

ARI (+4) over was
home dogs theory here. i just don't know what the skins have got. i can only imagine daniel snyder wanting to shoot himself every time he sees that mark brunell is their quarterback.

nyg (-8.5) over PHI
speaking of curses, no one is paying the price more for bad mojo than the eagles for their signing of the ultimate non-team guy in t.o. to be honest, i wish this game could somehow result in both teams recording a loss, but i'll just go with the idea that the giants are a much better team than the eagles. although i wouldn't bet on this game. no telling with eli on the road.

SEA (-16) over sfo
i hate this line, but i can't bring myself to bet on the niners. alex smith is priving himself to be one of the biggest draft day mistakes in the history of the NFL

SD (-13.5) over mia
damn this big spreads....uhhhh.....i'll say this. ricky is quietly having himself a nice renaissance season, so maybe that bodes well for the longhorns in the rose bowl...or maybe not since they are playing USC.

DEN (-14.5) over bal
denver should rebound at home after that game against the chiefs last week. the ravens have lost ray lewis for the rest of the season, which means no one to 1) chase down running backs, and 2) no pass rush for the ravens which means no pressure on jake which means no chance for interceptions in this game. by the way, even though he's having a nice season, it's funny how the real jake has shown himself over the last two weeks. i might have to start betting against the broncos for the rest of the season if it looks like old jake is here to stay.

kc (+3) over DAL
i can't tell you how frustrating it is to have drew bledsoe running your team. i just never feel good with him back there. and while the boys played the giants tough, i just knew that bledsoe wouldn't be able to pull it out for us. crap i hate picking against the cowboys.

GB (-6) over det
boy i hate picking the packers this year too. but there's just no way that the lions are going to get their shit together this year. i also think that it would be good shtick to start the "fire millen" chant at both lambeau field this week, as well as during the super bowl (which is in detroit this year).

ATL (-10) over no
i'm starting to feel sorry for the saints. because with the way things are shaping up for next year, it looks like they'll still be without a permanent home next year. add that to the fact that there's no way that they're making money this year and you have a rough stretch ahead saints fans.

bonus props! like i said, i really don't have a good feel for this week's line, so i'll just throw out a couple of two team teasers.

1) CAR, NE

eff you norcal

more proof that the bay area isn't as progressive as they like to think.

it's a little long (five minutes), but watch the whole thing, it's quite interesting. a couple of things that i'll comment on.

1) i hate to buy into stereotypes but geez, why is it whenever i hear a lawyer talk on television i just want to take a shower afterwards. this guys lawyer is pretty idiotic in his comparisons of his client to people like chris rock.

2) i always thought that when robin roberts was at ESPN, she was one of the more solid journalists and anchor-people that they had. now that she's doing real hard news, she's even better. way to be robin!

fun with capitalism

this guy is my new hero. pointing out the contradictions of a consumer driven society, while at the same time making some people feel good about their place in the machine. it's a tough trick to pull. a sample:
Dear Ritz,

First of all, let me say how much I enjoy the one-of-a-kind buttery taste of Ritz brand crackers. Whether by themselves or with any of a variety of great-tasting toppings, Ritz brand crackers are an enjoyable and satisfying snack.

Here's my question. If I'm adding, say, peanut butter to a Ritz brand cracker, I spread it on the salty side of the cracker. My wife, however, puts it on the non-salty side. Which one of us is right? (And don't say there's no wrong way -- that's a cop out.)



who's the a-hole?

tucker carlson



after reading this, i hate both parties just a little bit more.


bobby the gook, week 13

this thing is OVER. not only did i stink up the joint with only getting 6 games, fredo got nine plus a super bonus for hitting his parlay. there is really nothing left for me to play for, other than entertaining myself with my football idiocy. what can i say, i'm just gonna have to chalk this up to bad mojo this year. oh well, like antoine walker in a shooting slump, the only way for me to get better is to keep firing away. anyways, like i said, i got six games last week (+6), hit the fifty dollar bet (+1), missed my three team parlay (-3) and hit my two team teaser (+2). that equals 6 freakin' points. fredo got 9 games (+9), hit the fiddy (+1), hit his three team parlay (+6), and gets a two points for winning the week (+2) for a total of 18 points. the updated standings are fredo: 121, me: 84. let's get on with this lunacy. home team in caps and point spreads from caesar's.

MIA (-4) over buf
this division sucks doesn't it? gus frerotte vs. jp losman? i can't think of a worse way to spend your sunday afternoon than watching these two loser teams get after it. screw this crap, i hate the NFL.

cin (+3.5) over PIT
we'll use the super faulty transitive properties here. indy destroyed the steelers last week, while cinci hung in there with the colts until the end when they played them earlier this year. ergo, give me the bengals. on a side note, have you ever rooted more for a single player to score every week than chad johnson. that's just good clean family entertainment.

hou (+8) over BAL
i actually think the ravens will cover, i'm just trying to make up some ground here.

IND (-16) over ten
again, no reason to get off this train until it stops.

jax (-3) over CLE
i've always thought leftwich was a little overrated anyways. that's just not enough points for a bad cleveland team.

dal (+3) over NYG
two things about that giants game. first, have you ever seen anything as funny as jeremy shockey doing his little winner dance in the camera only to realize that jeff feely missed the kick. that was effing awesome. second, tony siragusa is the worst sideline reporter ever. to hear scream "it's short! it's short!" after one of feely's misses made me want to stick something up my ass. about the game - dallas is winning this division, end of story.

CHI (-7) over gb
tough loss for the packers last week. i read somewhere that farvre has won something like the last 13 meetings against the bears. can't last 14. about the bears...comparisons to the 85 bears are legitimate in that the bears defense is really good, but at the same time, the 85 bears inspired fear in other teams. i just don't think this squad has quite that same effect.

min (-3) over DET
the lions have become the ugly stepchild of the NFL. their franchise quite frankly has become an embarrassment to the league and in all seriousness hurts the NFL, which in turn hurts america. the only solution is clear...declare war on michigan, and send in the black ops people to take care of matt millen.

CAR (-3) over atl
i like the panthers to take control of the division this week. atlanta looked good last week, but remember, they were playing the single most embarrassing franchise in all of sports history last week.

tam (-3.5) over NO
the saints are done winning this year. and i'm still not sold on the bucs, there's just no way i think the saints can cover two weeks in a row.

SFO(+3) over ari
yet another reason why the nfl should reduce the number of teams in the league. uhh...i'll just take the home dogs here.

was (-3) over STL
you just knew that everyone was going to go crazy over the harvard qb...including yours truly who has him starting this week on his fantasy team. let's see if this bandwagon has any wheels shall we? dammit, i just talked myself out of it. the skins are going to eat this ivy leaguer for breakfast.

NE (-10.5) over nyj
as much as i hate the pats this year, the jets are omong the league's worst. besides you can't expect brady to lay two eggs in a row.

KC (pk) over den
some other lines have this as kc (+1.5) so in this case, i'll take the home team and the points. denver just didn't look that good to me last week. although i should take denver, but again, gotta make up some ground somewhere.

oak (+11.5) over SD
i dunno, this line just seems way to big for me. oakland is starting to play really bad as kerry collins continues to be the weak link on my fantasy squad, but i just have a feeling on this one.

sea (-4) over PHI
4 points? is that all? i don't know if you'd call this a trap, but it just might be. either way, i'll take fifty bucks on this one.

bonus props! like i said, lots of gorund to make up, so it's crazy parlay time. same rules as last week.

give me a 5 team: SEA, MIN, CHI, IND, CIN
give me a 3 team: JAX, TAM, SEA

eff, i'm going to lose a lot of points if the hawks don't cover.