3.31.2005

relive the magic of sexual harrassment

i'm assuming that those of you who read my blog are somewhat celebrity gossip savvy, so most likely, you've already heard the pat o'brien voicemails. however, here's a much more enjoyable way to listen to them.

do not click on the link!

seriously, this is why i hate humans. just more confirmation that the privates are the source of all evil in this world.

3.29.2005

if the EKG does not blip, you must write an obit

undoubtedly the greatest lawyer of all time, johnnie cochran, died today. the cnn story doesn't say if an ex-bufallo bill's running back hacked his head of or not.

3.28.2005

burger king says "f you" to fat people


burger king rolled out their new breakfast sandwich recently. simply amazing in light of our country's obsession with fitness and general hatred towards fat people. with mcdonalds not supersizing anymore, i guess that burger king saw the "food that's so grotesquely bad for you that you get fat just by thinking about it" niche open and decided to fill it with a vengeance. according to the article, the sandwich has 750 calories and 47 grams of fat. really, this kind of food should be illegal. on the other hand, you have to admire bk's balls. as johnny cougar mellencamp would say, "ain't that america?"

3.26.2005

patrick and fredo sent this link to me

laaaaast chaaaaaaaance....

bonds conspiracy theory

for you fantasy baseball owners, you may have been slightly upset to find that barry bonds may not play until next season. however, if you were a smart fantasy owner, you wouldn't have drafted him because of the injuries and his age. but that's beside the point.

anyways, as i'm sure many of you saw on television, when barry announced that he wasn't going to be playing for a while, he did his usual "poor me" schtick and kept accusing the reporters and the media of trying to hurt him, and how they finally succeeded.

anyways, with steroids on the top of the agenda for the public relations department of MLB, i offer you a conspiracy theory about barry bonds and why we might not ever see him play again. my theory goes that barry really isn't injured and was basically told my bud selig and company to either take this season off until the steroid stuff blows over or to be outed as someone who did steroids. you see, bud selig just couldn't stand the thought of another one of his superstars being embroiled in a scandal, so he did what many believe happened to michael jordan during his first retirement.

for those of you who have never heard this theory, the story goes that mj's first retirement was actually a secret suspension by the league for jordan's well documented gambling habit. david stern, the commissioner of basketball knew that a public scandal involving the marquee player of not just the current league but probably for all time, would just kill the league's ability to print money (which it does today despite a completely inferior product). so jordan took his suspension and passed the time playing minor league ball, and when david stern saw that basketball couldn't do anything without the greatness of his airness, he secretly reinstated him, thereby ending his so called retirement. it's al circumstantial evidence, but it makes a hell of a lot more sense than quitting basketball when you are clearly still the best player in the league. it's something that i believe completely.

anyways, same thing with barry and the league. the grand poo-bah's of baseball decided that barry was just to hot for baseball right now. the potential for disaster with barry bonds is so high that they worked something out, either extorting him by threatening to go public with proof of his knowing steroid use (which i am almost 100% sure that MLB posesses) or they worked out some kind of monetary compensation.

whatever the case, this much is sure. barry has surely stopped taking roids. therefore his production is not going to be what it has been the past four or five years. if barry takes an extended period off from playing baseball, surely he cannot come back and play at the same level at his advanced age. which will only increase the suspicion that he was a steroids user. therefore it is quite likely that bonds has played his last game. and that means that bonds won't pass ruth or aaron as the all time home run king. which is something i think that baseball categorically does not want to have happen. like i said, this is all very conspiratorial (incidentally, i just read an article by noted sociologist charles perrow that says conspiracy theories are likely to proliferate during times of crisis and during times when leadership has established a pattern of not sharing information, which i think is the situation for baseball), but i think it makes a hell of a lot of sense. seriously, watch the interview again with the idea that bonds has been secretly suspended. it's just too obvious. anyways, if this is all true, then bud selig has fooled us all and has proved himself to be some kind of evil genius.

3.25.2005

the ragin' asian reviews the ring two

i'm not the biggest horror movie fan, but i enjoy getting scared at the movies as much as the next person. which is why the first ring was such a pleasant surprise. not only was it a good scare, but i thought that it was a genuinely good movie. i haven't seen the original japanese version, but i would imagine it's creepier since it contains the generally creepy looking japanese people (creepy from a western point of view of course, not to imply that japanese people are inherently creepy, but to us westerners, i think japanese people look like oversized muppets, unless of course, you're viewing the horse mpeg, but you'll have to look elsewhere for that).

anyways, i was ambivelent about the ring two since sequals usually suck. from what i could tell, naomi watts was somehow contractually bound to be a part of the second movie, and thank god, cuz the movie would have really sucked without her. it's not that it just out and out sucked, but it was everything a cliched sequel usually entails. that is, the movie concentrates on the most memorable aspects of the first movie while not really trying to come up with something interesting. in this case, that means concentrating on the creepy kid, the imagery of the cursed movie, and of course, the monster/ghost of samara. and while there were the usual scary moments, they seemed to be more standard startle you type than being cerebrally creepy like in the first one or say, a silence of the lambs. anyways, apparently most of the money went to paying sissy spacek for her two minutes of screen time, since it was very obvious that none of it went to the screenplay. there's some pretty bad dialogue in this one and the general story requires a couple of leaps of faith. i'm usually pretty good about suspending my disbelief, but there were just too many points in the movie where i found myself saying, "what?" or "that's just stupid" for me to give this a really good review. it's a horror movie, so i'm not sure i can recommend this for a dvd rental since horror movies are always better in the theater at night, but like i said, it wasn't a horrible flick. it's just that the previous one set such a high standard, and this one didn't even come close. final grade: B-

bonus movie related blog material! - before the movie, they showed the trailer for the upcoming adaptation of the documentary doggtown and the z-boys, lords of doggtown. i for one, am pretty excited about it, because as much as i loved the documentary, you can tell that stacy peralta, the guy who put together the documentary, was really more of a skater than a storyteller. it seemed that there was probably more drama that was glossed over in the documentary. anyways, a regular movie should be able to make it a bit more compelling with crative license and what not. anyways, in last sunday's LA times, there was a story about the movie in the calendar section about the fact that the movie is being directed by a female, catherine hardwick (thirteen was her previous well known movie). first of all, i think that it's interesting and great that a woman is helming a movie about such a typically masculine subject. anyways, the story focuses on how she became a mother figure for the cast and crew of the movie, not so interesting and great. instead of an article about her vision of the movie or the rigors of recreating a past cultural phenomenon, the story focuses on how the males related to the female by viewing her as a maternal figure. anyways, i won't bore you with a sermon, but instead of writing a story about how a woman is breaking barriers, he/she wrote a story about a woman that uses her traditional feminine qualities with kids.

3.23.2005

i'm a lazy a-hole

sincerest apologies my sweet clean blog reader. it's been way too long since i've posted and consequently, i've failed to blog about some important events that have transpired in the past week and a half, particularly, the congressional steroid hearings. i'd blog about here, but by now, you and i have read so much about it, that i would just be reiterating what other people have already said about the matter. but in case you were wondering, my quick take is that everyone is an a-hole except for rafael palmeiro, who i agree whole-heartedly with fredo's take. not the innocent part, after all, if canseco was proven right about giambi and mcgwire, why would he have lied about raffy?, but rather i agree with the fact that raffy is one handsome guy. i had no idea. in fact, i think that raffy has officially overtaken andy pettite as the handsome-est guy in baseball.

raffy - the latino magnum p.i.

anyways, i just wanted to give some lame excuses to you, sweet clean blog reader as to why i've been out of pocket. you see, the ragin' asian had to cash in some sick days. no, not like the old days when i had a real job and taking sick days meant that i just didn't feel like going to work or i had an interview for another job. no instead of the flu-like symptoms (for those of you who aren't in the know, whenever you read that an athlete is out for flu-like symptons, that usually means that they're extremely hung over) i actually had the flu. when i went to the doctor, i had a fever of 100.6, which means that the previous day when i was much worse, i probably had a fever in the 101 range. in other words, i was knockin' on heaven's door.

anyways, that was all last week. this week i have no real reason to offer you except that we're on spring break here at UCSB and i tend to do absolutely nothing on these kinds of holidays. and when i say nothing, i mean absolutely f-in nothing (although i did take our stuff to the recycling center today). actually, i'm lying. i was sick. you see, i've contracted stockholm syndrome, you know, what happened to patty hearst when she got kidnapped by the symbionese liberation army only to join them months later because she had developed sympathy and feelings for the members of the group. however, i am being held hostage by a different sort of terrorist. i am being help captive by my latest video game, tony hawk underground 2 (or t.h.u.g. 2 as it is known in the videogame world). if you ever made fun of those people who become completely consumed by video games, then you are now making fun of me, because you see, that's all i've been doing for the past week. however, i think that my feelings for my captor are quite justified as t.h.u.g. 2 is the greatest game to come around in a long time. i used to play tony hawk pro skater 3 whenever i went to go visit fred in pasadena. we had all the cheat codes and the game was awesome whenever we could do whatever the hell we wanted in terms of tricks and stuff. however, since the unlock all cheat codes aren't out yet for t.h.u.g. 2, i've had to play from scratch. anyways, i just wanted to say that i now understand skating a little more.

you know those punks who skate at your school or at the park? you watch them as they try to land tricks, yet never ever are able to land them? that's what playing tony hawk is like. you try to do the tricks over and over, failing over and over, and then when you finally land it, you feel like he-man, master of the universe. there's much more to the game, but it would seriously take me forever to lay out for you, all the cool things about this game.

anyways, i promise you, o sweet clean blog reader, to be more attentive to the blog. there's lots to blog about such as pat summitt, pat o'brien, and patrick mackey. i also have a review of the ring 2 that i need to get posted, so look for all of that real soon. i will leave you however with one last tony hawk goodie. one of the features of the game is you can import digital photos of your face and they are able to stick that face onto the face of your skater. this is what mine looks like:

is my nose really that big?

3.19.2005

fighting spam

just a little technical note for all of you who experience a lot of spam:

i get a lot of spam. there was a time when i would give my email address to any website in hopes of winning a free t shirt or some stupid shit like that. in any case, the price i paid for the chance at the free t shirt is more spam is bearable. i mean i easily used to get somewhere between 200-300 spam messages a day. i tried all sorts of crap to fix that stuff, such as spam filters and what not. and for the most part, while they were somewhat effective, i still had to at least go through the headers to make sure that it didn't get any of the real email that i needed. anyways, i recently had to shut down my actual email account for a few hours recently. we're getting the cable changed from my old roommates name to my name and they forgot to tell me that they had to reset the email addresses. in any case, it was down for what i would say was about 5-6 hours. however, after that time, my spam has been reduced dramatically. my guess is that the spamming software, checks for returned mail from non-working email addresses, and them eliminates them from their database. now i get about 5 or six spam emails a day.

of course, the ideal situation is just to switch email addresses, but since so many people already have the old one it's such an inconvenience. in any case, if you are having problems with spam, you might want to check with your provider to see if they can shut off the email for a day, and see if that helps.

3.17.2005

the differences between the page 2 sports writers

i've been a long time fan of espn.com's page 2. for those of you who don't know, page 2 is espn's attempt to...you know what, i really don't know what the hell page 2's purpose is. my guess is that it is espn's attempt to reach a larger fan base (i.e. females) who are interested in sports, but don't necessarily need the intense type of sports news such as the status of injuries for players or the terms of an NBA scrubs salary negotiations. and from what i've read, page 2 is actually far more successful than the rest of espn's website, save the fantasy sport's section. if you've never read it, the columnists seem to take a less conventional view of sports than your typical sports columnists. they incorporate pop culture references, they're a zillion times more critical of players and the sports institution in general, and often veer into ancillary sports topics such as how the fan experiences the game. i'm sure someone in their marketing department would say that they provide the standard edgy term of an "irreverent" look at sports (is there a term out there that is misused more than "irreverent"? if you read between the lines of all the columns of page 2, you'll find the exact opposite).

anyways, all of this is just prelude for what i really want to talk about and that is comparing two of page 2's most prolific and i'm guessing popular columnists, bill simmons and jim caple. right now, caple is running a series where stays on campuses of teams that are in the NCAA men's basketball tournament. right now he's at the u of illinois, who is currently ranked #1 in the country. basically, caple will be staying in dorms, frathouses, and partying with college kids as they go through whatever rituals they go through in rooting for their team to win the big dance. first of all, this was already done in the drew barrymore movie, never been kissed. secondly and more importantly, it is as pathetic as it sounds. here we have a perfectly respectable man trying to recapture his youth by simply engaging in rituals that we all know to be trite, insignificant, and even more importantly, reinforcing of all sorts of oppressive ideologies. seriously, is this any different from that a-hole who buys a porsche when he turns 45? actually it's worse since, at least the a-hole who bought the porsche has a car in the end, which is something that we can use. caple will end up with a big hangover and probably herpes. i realize that story choices are not always driven by the writer and sometimes are forced upon the writer by editors. however, if you look at his body of work, you'll see that it's a typical style for him, writing about himself. the dead giveaway is that most of his stories include a picture of himself.

anyways, my long winded point is that caple represents the worst in this kind of "edgy writing". the kind that purports to be a different angle on something, when in actuality it is the same thing recycled through the lens of "what about me?" i'm sure that in caple's and his editor's head, they're thinking that they're being just like hunter s. thompson (not surprisingly, another page 2 columnist, or i guess that since he blew his head off, that i should say, a former page 2 columnist), that somehow they're providing america with an inside look at a phenomenon that we take for granted, and consequently providing us with a new way of looking at ourselves. complete bullshit. college kids party because that is what they're taught to do, and they especially party hard when one of their teams are good because it provides a socially acceptable excuse for acting like idiots. i don't mean to just harp on jim caple, because there are plenty of hacks who pass themselves off as journalists out there, but as someone who reads page 2 a lot, this last stunt was the proverbial straw that broke my camel's back.

anyways, a nice contrast is bill simmons, also known as the sports guy. from his picture, you would think that simmons and caple are the same guy (remember, to us people of color, all you white people look alike). and on the surface, you might think that they write kinda in the same style...very heavy on the first person, very heavy on opinions, and very heavy on things unrelated to mainstream sports. however, the big difference, is that bill simmons knows that it's all just bs. he makes references to popular culture because he understands that his audience are equally as interested in sports movies as sports. he gives his strong opinions freely because he knows that his opinion is no better or worse than yours, mine, or mike lupica's. he understands that while sports is important to us, it is among a host of things that are important to us. truly, his writing style fits the irreverent label that is so coveted in areas like this. his take on the ncaa tournament is infinitely more entertaining and insightful. so i guess what i'm saying is that all whities aren't the same.

however, the other page 2 columnists, such as jason whitlock (who's a brother, by the way) who don't treat their readers like morons, are underrated.

on a different note, i've been watching the steroids hearings while i'm typing this. holy cow. this shit is completely fascinating. the player's union is not kidding around, you break ranks, then you are out forever, and they are freezing out canseco. also, you should note that canseco is the only person giving real answers to the questions, while everyone else is just being a douchebag about it. curt schilling may be a warrior, but he's a gigantic douchebag who thinks that he knows more about being a good person than everyone else. and why does mark mcgwire say, "i'm not going to talk about the past", as if the past has nothing to do with today. what a gigantic douchebag! and god why is canseco's lawyer letting him talk? and when did raffy get so tan? and what's with sosa's 40's black guy haircut? anyways, i will have a lot to say about this, but i need to watch the rest of it and digest it before i give you a better report.

3.16.2005

good news for michael jackson

surely, if a completely irrelevant c-lister like robert blake can get away with murder, then a real celebrity with real money like jacko can beat the rap, no? way to go baretta! i dub thee, the white man's o.j.

3.14.2005

music quick hits

1) sum 41 and ludacris are planning a mashup album, similar to the one that jay-z and linkin park did. which only furthers the cooptation of an emergent cultural phenomenon. while jay-z's and linkin park's record was really not all that bad, it is a far cry from some of the better mashups out there like dangermouse's grey album. it'll be interesting to see how the sum 41 and ludacris album turns out if it ends up being made. i'm actually fans of both acts, and have hope that their's enough real creative motivation to make this a little better than linkin-z's collaboration, but make no mistake kiddos, these a-holes are probably doing it for the cash.

2) bono (and the rest of U2...along with the pretenders, buddy guy, percy sledge, and the o'jays) are getting enshrined into the rock and roll hall of fame tonight. the weird thing is that instead of being at the actual rock and roll hall of fame in cleveland, they're doing it at the waldorf astoria in nyc. it just goes to show you that, in fact, cleveland does not rock.

the poor man's r. williams.

the eternal search for web procrastination

the 5th annual bloggies just announced their winners. very interesting blogs to waste your time at work or school with. one of my new favorite blogs defamer, won best entertainment and best new blog. and now since it's been recognized by nobody in particular, i've added it to the list of blogs you see on the right there.

3.13.2005

more on steroids and major league a-holes

the giambi brothers seem not to be able to get their head out of their individual asses. the less talented of the giambi brothers, jeremy giambi, admitted recently to doing steroids. of course, no one is really interested in what a lifetime .263 hitter does to enhance his performance. so instead the ap story asks jeremy about what he thought his brother jason was apologizing for in his now infamous
apology about nothing in particular. his quote:
If you don't know what he's apologizing for, you must've been in a coma for two years.
now i wasn't there when he said it, but the quote seems to insinuate that we're being the a-holes for making jason giambi admit his mistakes. of course we know that giambi is apologizing for steroids. what we don't know if giambi knows that he's apologizing for steroids. this "poor-me" attitude is reflected in a recent peter gammons column. in the column, gammons quotes jason giambi as saying
I guess I'm at the point where I don't trust anyone, and I never thought I'd be that way.
again, we see this "i'm the victim" attitude here. hey jason, if there's anyone out there who we shouldn't trust, it's you, you big douchebag and your a-hole brother. your parents should be ashamed for raising such shitty kids.

3.12.2005

mark mcsteroids

that's the lamest title for a post i've ever had. anyways, this is what they call independent confirmation folks. any calls for asterisks now that a white guy looks like he may have been cheating?

rod stewart, second verse same as the first

rod stewart is getting married to another woman who is young enough to be his daughter. although i hate rod stewart, part of me says, "i salute you rod. way to go."

3.10.2005

new pop life mp3 available for download

the march 10th, 2005 broadcast of pop life is now available for download on the pop life v2.0 blog and on the pop life show archives page. it's gonna be our last one until next quarter so enjoy.

3.08.2005

this one's for you mg...

...cuz good soccer highlights are hard to find. here's video of the three greatest goals of all time according to fifa. what's crazy is that i actually think that number three, by pele is the most impressive. nonetheless, despite my well known aversion to soccer, i have to admit, that these are all pretty badass.

3.07.2005

college sports quick hits

1) rick neuheisel has settled his lawsuit against the NCAA. as you can guess both sides are claiming victory. when in reality, the NCAA chickened out and neuheisel still should have known better. anyways, both can claim victory, but we all know they're still douchebags.

2) the president of Colorado University is resigning over the football stuff and ward churchill. it's probably the right thing to do for the univesrity, but i just want to point out that CU's president is a female. so why hasn't larry summers, harvard's president resigned despite all of the flack he got for his dumb women and science remark? incidentally, i saw ward churchill on real time with bill maher the other day. i obviously don't think he should get fired, and i kinda agree with his greater point in that we're all part of this imperialistic american machine, but at the same time, he's a reactionary hothead that gives academics a bad name. f him.

they should make a movie out of this with ben affleck and matt damon

many, including myself, let the 32nd anniversary of this baseball fable pass us by unnoticed. on march 5, 1973, major leaguers mike kekich and fritz peterson completed their wifeswap. the washington times had a nice little story about the principles and what had happened. geez the the swingin' seventies were just a wheels off time. i think that the most interesting stuff in this story is about how both of those dudes and their respective families turned out.

fat soccer players

argentine soccer legend, and the man who scored the infamous hand of god goal in the world cup, maradona is having gastric bypass surgery. you don't actually have to click on the link because all i wanted to share was this crazy picture of maradona.

it's crazy to think that this was probably at one time, the most recongnized athlete in the world, and even he can devolve into jabba the hut.

bono is officially out of control

i'm not sure how serious people are about this, but apparently, someone is thinking about making bono the head of the world bank. between this and the nobel peace prize thing, it turns out that bono is the best thing to happen to the human race since indoor plumbing.

for those of you who don't know, the world bank is in charge of providing loans to developing countries and has a bad reputation for being one of the instruments of imperialism wielded by the west on these developing countries and many have called for reform. and can you imagine that the people calling for bono to head up the world bank think he's the person to lead this reform. i can imagine the keynote speech now. "The world bank has for too long not provided the financial support needed for these countries to seek a better quality of life. How long? How long must we sing this song? How long? How lo-o-o-o-ong?"..."This is a loan Tsutsi rebels stole from the World Bank and we're stealing it back."...i could do this all day.

3.03.2005

new pop life mp3 available for download

the mar 3rd broadcast of pop life is available for download at the pop life v2.0 blog and the pop life archive page. enjoy.

3.02.2005

hi patch

i never thought that the greatness of nacho cheese would ever be used for evil.

the fraud that is the new england patriots

the pats cut troy brown today for salary cap reasons. the same troy brown did not grouse and accepted a lesser role in the offense when new receivers came in and the same troy brown who basically gave up incentive money when pats needed him to go both ways, offense and defense.

the main thing i want to point out here is that after the pats won, there was all this mularkey out there about how the patriots do it the right way, how they sacrifice themselves for the good of the team, how they organization is a paradigm for how sports franchises should be run, and the worse cliche, how they are representative of all that is good in sport. i doubt that any of the sportswriters will say this, but i think its safe to say that this is complete bullshit and the pats' management has shown that the patriots' organization is just as sorry as everyone else.

here's a guy who did nothing but help his team. sacrificed in real ways and went above and beyond the call of duty. all the patriots had to do was pay him the 5 million dollars that they had agreed to pay him when he signed the contract 5 years ago. and how does the so called greatest sports organization treat this guy, they say, i don't care about what you did to help us, you have to take less money or we're going to fire you. lawyer lawyer milloy took a lot of heat earlier in the year when he said
Some of those guys, I think, are underpaid. It's always been a team thing getting thrown around there, but if some of those guys would test the market, being a champion, they could really go out there and make top dollar. But for some reason, they want to stay.
now that i read the quote again, milloy still sounds like a jackass. i think that the problem is that milloy couldn't say what he meant to say. which is that everyone goes around saying what geniuses the new england management is when in reality they're no better than nike paying thai kids 4 cents an hour to make 200 dollar sneakers. in other words, new england does not pay players a fair wage, and despite the fact that the owners will make more money than imaginable because of these players winning all those championships, the players will not get their fair share.

so my three pronged point is as follows: 1) everyone loves a winner. cutting troy brown shows that new england is not about doing the right thing. they're just venture capitalists like the rest of us. but no one will call them on it because they win super bowls. 2) we like to get down on players for being too greedy, and i know the salary cap has a lot to do with these decisions, but it is management who is greedy. i'd like to see scott pioli and romeo crennel beat donavan mcnabb. 3) new england is a nice team, but their mystique is more fabricated than any of the other dynasties in sports. i've chronicled this before, but to reiterate, there can only be one team that can bear the moniker of america's team.

3.01.2005

sports sports sports

1) at least half of NCAA division I schools have a team that is so academically deficient that the NCAA is going to take away some of the scholarships. i suppose that this isn't really surprising, but it's just another one of those things that should cause people to do something, but i imagine, that yet again, no one will.

2) if CU doesn't fire gary barnett for this, then they should just go ahead ban amateur sports in colorado so that he can't embarras the nice folks at boulder anymore. seriously between this and the previous item, you gotta wonder how the NCAA sleeps at night. you also have to wonder if it's possible for gary barnett to be any sorrier.

3) we can finally stop talking about how kobe is sorry for cheating on his wife and just go back to saying that he's sorry for running shaq and phil jackson out of town.

4) a report says that over half of NFL players are fatties. of course the NFL says that the study is flawed since it only uses the body mass index and not the muscle to fat ratio. in other words, the NFL is not fat, just roided out. with all the talk about steroids in baseball, it's a wonder that the NFL seems to be skating on this. as obvious as it is that baseball is juiced, it's even more obvious that football is. relatedly, peter gammons has a somewhat interesting column on the hypocrisy of the baseball establishment for only now coming to terms with steroids when they knew about it the whole time. or at least the should have, but chose to ignore the signs.