11.30.2005

high school football greatness


ucla thinks that they know what's coming this weekend. well, they really don't have any idea. be sure to click on the video link under the picture.

a few weeks ago, fredo and i went to a high school football game and were pondering what it would be like if a pro player, like say mike vick right now somehow was able to sneak into a high school football game, would he basically score everytime he touched the ball? well as the video shows you, yeah, he probably would. and apparently reggie bush did.

i've been fortunate to see this kind of man among boys exhibition twice in my lifetime (and no, i'm not talking in the michael jackson way). in high school, i got to see the carter cowboys play when new york giants great jesse armstead was playing. he was a linebacker in high school as well, and let me tell you, every tackle he made was just so amazingly bone-crushingly violent, that i started to feel sorry for the kids getting tackled. the other time was in college when kevin garnett's high school was playing at a tournament that was being hosted at depaul. needless to say, kevin garnett could do pretty much anything he wanted to on the court.

11.28.2005

weekend asian news roundup

lots to report from the holiday weekend. three items of note.

1) world's first bruce lee statue erected and dedicated in...bosnia? it may not make any sense, but we'll take what we can get. of course, hours later, the statue fell victim to vandalism.

2) jackie chan tells asian movie community: "Asians should unite against American cinema," explaining that asians are losing their cultural identity when they ape american stereotypes. he then goes back to counting money earned for agreeing to do rush hour parts 4, 5, and 8.

3) a very very very sad day as noriyuki "pat" morita, or as we all know him, mr. miyagi passed away this weekend. he wasn't the greatest asian actor by any stretch, but he certainly was one of the most visible and of course mr. miyagi was one of the most memorable roles (one that i think he really should have gotten an oscar nod for). anyways, i was reading the obituaries and i learned that before his break on happy days, that he was a stand up comedian that had appeared on the tonight show several times. how about that?

michael irvin can't resist crack!

the playmaker got in trouble again over the holiday when he some drug paraphenalia was discovered in number 88's car on a routine traffic stop. there's all sorts of spin coming out of the irvin camp, but here are my observations.

1) michael's first mistake was driving in the first place. according to the article, the reason he was pulled over was because he had an outstanding parking ticket. and then once you get pulled over, who knows what kind of chicanery the sucka-pigs are gonna end up pulling on you. no when you're that famous or if you have that much money, you should have someone else driving for you at all times. nothing good can ever result from a celebrity driving. it's like the 1AM rule. if you're a celebrity, you should never stay out past 1AM, because nothing ever good happens after 1AM. you never hear of celebrities saving lives at 2:30AM or discovering the cure to cancer at 3:00AM. nosiree, after 1AM it's only drug busts and she-male prostitutes. same thing with celebirties driving, nothing good can come of it.

2) irvin is a genius for his excuse. in the article it says that he claiming that the drug paraphenelia actually belongs to a friend of his who was at his house for thanksgiving, who coincidentally is a recovering addict. not that i really believe him. i mean, if you're a crack addict, it's not like you're just going to shove your crack pipe in your back pocket and it's just gonna fall out of your pants in the michael irvin's car. no that doesn't make any sense. most likely scenario is that mike is hitting the pipe again. anyways, it's still a genius defense because it turns him from a drug monster into the one that is fighting drugs.

3) the really funny thing is, for fans like myself, we actually prefer the drug addled problem child version of michael irvin. it's like in the nineties when the cowboys were unstoppable, the attitude was so badass. it was like, we're the best godammed team in football, and we can do whatever we want whenever we want, cuz we're that badass. yeah, i, as a lifelong dallas cowboys fan, only have fond memories of cocaine mike.

4) this almost certainly torpedoes michael's chances of getting into the hall of fame. not that the hall of fame was likely to induct him this year anyway (troy aikman and rayfield wright seem to be good bets this season, no way they were going to induct three cowboys in the same year), but now stodgy selectors who hold this kind of shit against players will have an excuse. i know, i know, lawrence taylor...but the difference is that lawrence taylor was the best to ever play his poistion, some even argued the greatest football player ever period. irvin is at best a top 15-20 receiver. in short, the chances of michael irvin getting into the hall of fame are a...wait for it...wait for it...a pipe dream. ROCK ME!!!!!*

5) actually, the way i see it, the fact that a player is addicted to hard drugs should only enhance his candidacy into the hall of fame. think about it, we're not talking about performance enhancing drugs. cocaine doesn't make you a better player. if anything it presents more obstacles to being a good player. anyone can think of a situation where potential was unfulfilled because of addiction. and if someone can still kick ass in spite of this large obstacle, then it only shows how great they truly were. i say, you should get bonus points for doing hard drugs.

* for those of you who don't listen to KTCK, the phrase "rock me" is what is uttered after someone knowlingly utters a ridiculously bad pun.

11.22.2005

bobby the gook, week 12

man f this crap. fredo got 10 freakin' games last week. there was lots of effin' in the ass last week by several teams. seattle, washington, minnesota. i am really starting to hate football. at least i can take solace that my fantasy team laid a big steamer all over fred's. anyways, it's thanksgiving week, so i gotta get these picks up early in time for the turkey day matchups. last week, fredo got 12 points, and i got 10. i never heard about the head to head bonus from fredo so i'm going to assume that it is in effect so fredo actually gets 14 points and this race is all but over. right now the tally stands at fredo: 103, me: 78. home team in CAPS and point spreads from caesars.

atl (-3) over DET
i actually really wanted to take the lions here since it seems that atlanta can't stop anyone from running the ball. but neither can joey harrington. real quick, in last week's game, which was the first lions' game i saw all week, steve mariucci looked terrible. i mean he looked physically ill, like he'd lost weight and hadn't been sleeping. i've always liked mooch and millen should do him a favor and just fire him now.

DAL (+2) over den
screw you, it's thanksgiving, i'll take whoever i goddamned want to.

KC (-3) over ne
tempting, but i don't think that the patriots can stop anyone defensively. i'm hoping it will be a bit of a shootout, but this seems to be the perfect game to drive the last nail in the coffin for the pats this season.

bal (+9.5) over CIN
i don't really know how good of a call this is. however, all i know is that in years past, after a catostrophic loss like they had against the colts, the bengals have never rebounded well. and when i say rebounded, i mean for the rest of the season. the ravens i think at least have ray lewis and ed reed back so i guess i'm gonna bet on the bengals tanking like in years past. not totally tanking, rather just playing barely well enough where them making the playoffs comes down to week 17.

car (-4.5) over BUF
carolina had some problems running against the bears. the bills defense doesn't even remotely resemble the bears defense, so i like everyone's favorite super bowl contender to bounce back here.

chi (+3) over TB
if the bears can do that to jake delhomme, imagine what they're gonna do to chris simms.

WAS (+3.5) over sd
apparently, every sports writer in the world is using the phrase, "the san diego chargers are the best team that might miss the playoffs". i say their inconsistency is going to keep going on throughout the rest of the year. i'll take the skins in what amounts to a must win if they're going to have any chance to challenge for the division.

cle (+4.5) over MIN
yeah i saw the stupid mnf game. here's what i saw. minnesota still sucks and are lucky to have won their last three. what's funny is how desperately everyone wants to get on the brad johnson comeback story, which i suppose is all touchy feely nice, but i expect rueben droughns to have a big enough day to put the vikings away early.

sfo (+7.5) over TEN
i really think that ken dorsey is the best of that sorry bunch. the niners have been covering about half of the time. what all this means is...whatever.

HOU (+4) over stl
it seems pretty clear to me that the front office of the rams organization is in a bad way. oh yeah, there's a good chance that marc bulger isn't going to play which makes st. louis have to start jamie martin. and well, he just sucks.

jax (+3.5) over ARI
gimme 50.

OAK (-7) over mia
the dolphins are pretty tough to figure out, so i'm just gonna go with "they suck." gus frerotte is supposed to return this week....change that to "they really really suck."

SEA (-4) over nyg
eff it. i'll get on the bandwagon.

gb (+4.5) over PHI
i know that mcmahon is not all that bad, but the eagles are basically a bunch of guys that haven't done jack in the league. this is horrible logic, but i'll take favre over guys like that.

no (-1.5) over NYJ
i really really hate the jets this year. i have no feel for this game, so i should actually take the points, but really, it doesn't matter one way or another.

IND (-7) over pit
this line is actually off at caesars. my guess is that they want to confirm the qb situation for the steelers, and from what i've read, it's going to be roethslqwe. the colts are a team that i'm just gonna keep riding until someone tells me it's time to get off. don't get me wrong, i'm hoping to god that they lose somewhere along the line.

bonus props! let's go with all you can eat parlays. i'm going to change up the risk reward thing though. instead of doling out points, you're gonna have to wager points, at least one point for every part of the parley. that is, to put together a three team parlay, you have to wager three points. if you get any leg wrong, then you lose three points. if you get all three legs right, then it's worth 6 points. and you can put together as many parlays as you want. i'm going to go with 2 parlays.

first give me for 4 points: jax, sfo, and car
for a two team teaser and wagering 2 points, i'll take indy and kc.

11.21.2005

i'll never forgive MLB for this

steroids, the yankees, and barry bonds weren't enough to drive me away from the game, but scott stapp sure as hell is. i'm all for cross promotion, but there's just no need for this.

11.19.2005

bobby the gook, week 11

stretch drive time kids...this is the time of the year where the men get separated from the boys, unless of course we're talking about this one horse race between fredo and myself. it's getting ugly at this point. my little opposite week experiment of course backfired horribly. if i had just stuck with what i thought would be good picks, i would have had 11 pts to fredo's 7. instead, i end up with 7 points and no ground gained on my wily mexican friend. no more hijinx for me, i'll just be johnny cash and walk the line. despite that however, i must make mention that it was a stellar week otherwise...fredo and i placed in our pool and are due somewhere in the area of 100 bucks or so...couple that with a magnificent cowboys win on monday night and well, i can't complain. bill simmons column this week says that this is where you should really take a look at what's happened this season and recategorize the teams and adjust your betting strategy accordingly. good advice i say. anyways, on with the picks...after last week, the score is fredo -89, me - 68. at this point a lot would have to go wrong for fredo to lose, so i am going to suggest a way in which we can make it more interesting. true it provides me a way to win that i wouldn't otherwise have, but it's either that or we just ride out the schedule. i propose that in addition to our usual bonus games, there be two points awarded to whoever wins the week. like i said before, i know that if we had been doing this from the beginning of the year, i'd be even farther behind, but i just thought i'd throw that out there. fredo, feel free to veto this idea if you're a scared little bitch. no seriously, you have veto power on this one. home team in caps, point spread from caesar's.

car (-3) over CHI
that bears game last week was one of the weirdest games i've seen. the returned missed field goal is always good for yucks, but ultimately, it was a battle between two crappy offenses and that's never any fun. barring any crazy weather this week in windy city, i see the panthers rolling.

TEN (+4) over jax
everyone in the world seems to like the titans here. i myself, can't really see it, but far be it from me to argue with anyone else. i do think that the jags are still not as good as their record indicates, though, so i'm not totally copying everyone else.

ind (-6) over CIN
the bengals are almost there, but their defense still has a little ways to go before they can be real contenders. besides, you don't think that the league is going to do everything in its power to get the whitey wet dream qb peyton manning to 16-0? the fix is in starting now kids!

NE (-10) over no
i really don't like this game either way. i really hate taking the pats since last week's win was more a result of miami's ineptitude than it was the patriots' being any good. but no one in their right mind should take the saints on the road.

STL (-10) over ari
see previous game.

ATL (-6) over tam
also, no one in their right mind should take chris simms on the road. this line should be bigger now that i think about it. i think people are overrating simms performance last week. he could just have easily lost the game and then i think people will temper excitement over the most overrated college qb in the world. incidentally, for some reason it makes a lot of sense to me that jon gruden and chris simms are having a secret homosexual relationship. discuss.

WAS (-6) over oak
i have to officially get off the randy moss bandwagon for this season. just this season mind you, but the raiders offense has been disappointing to say the least. by the way clinton portis' interview shtick has been awesome. i'm hoping that next week, he comes out with a big afro wig and a stethoscope and does the interview as dr. negro or something like that.

DAL (-8) over det
the battle of 33 s soledad as my roommate's team goes against mine. here's some statistics for you to ponder. detroit has lost something like 36 out of their last 38 on the road. in games where joey harrington registers a +100 qb rating like he did last week the highest he's ever followed up with is a 50 qb rating. and for those of you who are holding out hope that jeff garcia will come in and save the day, excluding the t.o. on the star game, the cowboys own garcia. give. me. fifty.

NYG (-7.5) over phi
instead of opposite week, this week i'm doing the NFC east at home week. actually, it looks like i'm pretty much doing the home favorites this week. also, not that you need me to tell you, but philly's season is over.

mia (+2.5) over CLE
ha! fooled you...yeah...there's just no reason to take cleveland here. i semi-suspect a trap of some sort, but miami is just a better team.

sea (-13) over SFO
if you remember correctly, the seahawks beat the niners something like 800-2 last year. i'm going to stop waiting for seattle to eff up this year and just ride them ito the playoffs. lastly, here's some shock value for you. shuan alexander piles up his yards on just 2 or 3 big plays a game. other than that, i think he's a little soft.

SD (-11) over buf
that's a whole lot of points, but i can't in good conscience take j.p. losman on the road. the bills effed up big time with this draft pick, this kid just doesn't have it.

DEN (-13.5) over nyj
dammit, i hate these points. plus i'm sticking with my home favorites theme this week.

BAL (+4) over pit
seriously, isn't it painful to watch tommy maddox play. remember when he was the feel good story of the NFL like two years ago? now people in pittsburgh are trying to rape his kids. sad times for the maddox clan. time to go back to hurst and sell insurance again tommy.

kc (-7) over HOU
larry johnson is going to score at least three touchdowns as bob's fantasy team, stab 'n' eff sticks its dingus up the anus of fredo's team, the sex criminals.

GB (-4.5) over min
this one is too easy and i'd put fifty on this one were it not for the fact that i want to rub my roommate's face into the pile of dogshit that is the detroit lions. the vikings used up their karma last week while effing a million and one parlays.

bonus props! it's bob v. fredo week again in fantasy football. so first off, we'll wager on the fantasy matchup. yahoo has me as a 7 point favorite. the best matchup seems to be between our defenses, as i have carolina going against the bears while fred has the steelers going against the ravens which yahoo predicts both will score 7 points, so let's make leg 2 be who gives up more points, the panthers or the steelers, and along those lines, let's finish up the trifecta with the battle of the shitty qb's named kyle. leg 2 will be who throws more ints, boller or orton. ummm...let's make orton the .5 int favorite here.

so to sum up.

leg 1 - stab 'n' eff (-7) vs. sex criminals
leg 2 - points allowed: carolina (pk) vs. pittsburgh
leg 3 - ints thrown: orton(-0.5) vs. boller

give me stab 'n' eff, pittsburgh, and boller. usual scoring +1 for correct, -1 for incorrect, +2 bonus for getting all three.

11.15.2005

arrested development, R.I.P.

fox is cancelling the critically acclaimed show, arrested development. if you follow the entertainment industry, you've heard about this and how it's a great show and how the network is shooting themselves in the foot for not supporting it more and you've probably seen the video clip of david cross dropping f-bombs about the whole thing.

i find all of this very curious. i've seen the show a few times and it's pretty funny. it is definitely different from most of the stuff on network tv, but overall, i'd have to say it's not as funny as curb your enthusiasm. most importantly, it doesn't affect me either way if i see it or not. not to generalize my own experience to the general public, but if the show was that good then why didn't anyone watch it? they complain about how they've been universally recognized by critics and awards and all that, but aren't those just stuck up a-holes who will always give the thumbs up to "cutting edge" network stuff? is it problematic that networks will give shows like joey a longer leash than arrested development. sure it is. but at the same time, i just don't know how you can argue with the network when they say "you're not generating any ratings." and is it a big secret that creating ratings is what television networks are about? i've had this point before, but i've never seen the point in accusing capitalists of being capitalists.

let me put it this way, blaming poor ratings on a major network for not properly marketing your show, is somewhat akin to d-bag alternative acts blaming major record labels for poor album sales. maybe the problem isn't that these capitalist pigs aren't trying hard enough. maybe the problem is that your art doesn't appeal to as many people as your inflated and completely insulated ego thinks that it does.

11.11.2005

bobby the gook, week 10

god-effing-dammit, i am really at a lost for words as to my performance this year. i suppose all those years of success picking games are starting to catch up to me. the only thing i can think of is that the cowboys are doing well, and most of fantasy teams are doing ok as well, so i guess i can't win 'em all. or more likely, this has been one weird NFL season. i suppose it doesn't matter since i'm still having lots of fun. anyways, the whole t.o. thing has gotten me worn out on football this week. on sports in general, because all around, it's just a shitty deal for football. nothing good to come out of it. we get cheated out of one of the best athletes in the world, and instead we have to hear about what a big freakin a-hole he is and even worse, we have to hear about what an even bigger freakin' a-hole his agent is. i've also been distracted by the fact that they've found a fossil of a new really scary looking dinosaur. lastly, i've been distracted by the prospect of NFL cheerleaders getting caught having sex for each other and then finding out they were most definitely not hot. sometime's it is hard being a male in this world. anyways, last week saw me get my usual 5-6 games, with 6 games, i got my fifty dollar game, and i got 2 out of the 3 bonus bets for a total of 8 points. the bruschi bet is cancelled because i fell asleep during the game. anyways, fredo barely did better with the games getting 7 of them, but he got a boat load of bonus points, 1 for the fifty dollar bet and 5 for nailing the peyton parlay. so that gives him 13 freakin' points. erik also played along last week, and it turns out he is smarter than all of us cuz he got 9 freakin' games right. he missed his fifty dollar bet and he got two out of three correct for a total of 9 points. anyways, the current standings between me and fredo are fredo - 82, me - 61. i'm falling way out of contention so this week, i'm going to pull out all the stops and go extra mad scientist to try and catch up. if erik wants to jump in the frey, i'll also tally points for us from this point on. anyways, i suck so bad, this week, i'm just going to say eff it and pick the opposite of what i would normally do. so the game descriptions will be reasons why the team i didn't take (who in reality i think will win) will win. i figure i can't do any worse than i normally have been. point spreads from caesar's, home team in caps.

kc (+2.5) over BUF
i really don't understand this line at all. it seems like a trap to me as i'm not sure what is so great about buffalo at home to warrant making them the favorites. so to be on the right side of this trap, i'd take buffalo. (just so we're clear, i like buffalo, but since i'm going crazy, my official pick is kc).

TB (pk) over was
the buccaneers are starting to look like they're the team that started hot, but is now fading fast. i think that cadillac williams will be a fine back, but he's starting to look tired. and chris simms, well, let's put it this way, if you're hoping and praying for brian griese to get better...you're effed.

ne (-3) over MIA
the one thing that i did like about myself last week was that i called ricky's first td of the season, and from the highlights, he looked pretty damn good to me. miami has a real good deal with him and ronnie brown. the patriots on the other hand...well, i think in years past, we would have hated to bet against them two weeks in a row, but the wheels look to be falling off with that defense.

sfo (+13.5) over CHI
chicago is making the best out of really horrible division. i don't think that the niners could beat anyone else in the NFC north, why would i think they can beat the bears.

min (+10) over NYG
the giants have been great at home and from what i can tell they've been especially good against inferior oponents. also the vikes suck on the road. on the plus side, it looks like brad johnson isn't completely running on empty, but he's definitely not going to turn this season around for the vikes.

ari (+4) over DET
the worst thing that could happen to the lions is that they win any more games. they need to hit rock bottom, clean house in management and trade away kevin jones, roy and mike williams, and shaun rogers and just start from scratch. so with their luck, harrington will look ok down the stretch and that will fool the idiotic detroit management to stay the course. and the cards...well, they're just sad. by the way, this kurt warner/joey harrington showdown is one of the worst qb matchups in recent history.

bal (+7) over JAX
this one isn't as easy for the jags as you might think. i feel like they've gotten a little lucky lately. however, since the ravens have basically given up on the season, the jags will continue their paper lion march to the playoffs.

IND (-18) over hou
classic letdown game for the colts. for the texans, the return of andre johnson can only be a good thing. hey fred, what has houston done against the line? from what i can tell they haven't been horrible, so i say that indy puts it on cruise control and houston stays within a couple of TDs.

CAR (-9.5) over nyj
this is an exception to opposite week, because this one is soooooo easy to call. looks like that the panthers are hitting their stride. gimme fifty on this cakewalk for the panthers.

OAK (+3) over den
back to opposite week. there's just no reason to think that denver can't cover this spread. no reason whatsoever. on a side note, i think that it's really funny that even with moss running at about 70% that collins is still always looking for him. not that porter is the next tim brown or anything, but it's not like he's never open. anyways, i should note that plummer is not playing half bad this season, so here's to trying to jinx him.

stl (+6.5) over SEA
again, i'm going to make an exception to opposite week, because this is a mortal lock. the rams are close to full strength with holt, bulger, and maybe even bruce playing in this game. the seahawks are another team that isn't nearly as good as their record indicates. bulger torches the seahawks defense here and the rams continue to play better as underdogs.

ATL (-9.5) over gb
ok, back to opposite week again. i just have a feeling that green bay is going to play well this week. there's no real reason to take the packers here, but i think they'll make a game out of this.

cle (+8.5) over PIT
of course, you have to beware the charlie batch factor, but the steeler's defense makes me horny.

PHI (-3) over dal
this line really confuses me as well. the conventional wisdom is that the eagles really have something to prove this week. i don't buy this for a second. if they had something to prove why didn't they win last week? the obvious thing here is that the eagles are what they were a few years ago, a decent team. the difference now is that their division is much better than they used to be. by the way, i would pay for the ticket myself if i could somehow get t.o. to come to the game and stand on the dallas sideline. that'd be some good tv.

bonus props! since fredo and i have a real parlay in action, we're going to bypass the parlay option again. there are some notable names who have recently gone down for the season and their backups have done ok so far. so we're going to play second string over/under. here are the over/under props:

brad johnson passing TD's - 1.5
larry johnson rushing yards - 115
reggie brown (t.o.'s replacement) recieving yards - 85

give me the brad johnson over, the larry johnson over and the reggie brown under. same scoring system as always, +1 for each leg correct, -1 for each leg incorrect, +2 bonus for hitting all three.

11.09.2005

crazy thai people


as janeane garafolo said in the truth about cats and dogs. you can love your animals...just don't looooove your animals.

11.08.2005

chuckie!


it looks like chuck klosterman will be writing a monthly column for espn.com's page 2. here is his first installment. like all of his other writing, i find myself in perfect agreement with 50 percent of the column and in perfect disagreement with the other 50 percent. as much as i want to hate him, i am slowly coming to the realization that he may be my generation's greatest journalist. dammit, sometimes life just ain't fair.

fiddy vs. brangelina

50 cent's new movie, get rich or die tryin' had its billboard taken down in philly yesterday. this after complaints by the locals that the billboard promoted gang violence because of the presence of a gun. and this of course coming on the heels of the same thing happening here in southern california. anyways, here's a little experiment. let's look at the billboards for two recent movies:

get rich or die tryin'


and mr and mrs. smith


both of these have guns in the advertisement, yet only one was accused of promoting gang violence. can anyone spot any possible differences or reasons why the two were recieved differently? hint: america sure does seem to hate black people.

11.03.2005

fo' sho


i can't even begin to tell you how excited i am. every generation needs its own electric boogaloo

bobby the gook, week 9

this is just getting ridiculous. one of the great mysteries of 2005 will be how i lost my football mojo. perhaps at the end of the season, we'll revisit this topic and discuss possible causes, but for right now, let's just thank the good lord above that i'm not playing with any real money. except for the football pool that i'm in where fred and i are mired at the bottom of the pack. still, it's not time to go crazy yet. we have one half of a football season left. so if my current losing streak is still going by week 10, then it's time to get super mad scientist on you fools. i had a terrible week with six games, minus 1 for the 50 dollar bonus and minus 3 for missing my parlay completely for 2 freakin' points. fredo on the other hand, actually had a shitty week as well with only 5 games, and minus 1 for the fifty dollar bet, but he nailed the parlay for a bonus of +6 for a total of 10 points for the week. the current standings are me - 53, fredo - 69! hey everyone fredo scored 69! yea! if i were fredo, i'd work hard at not winning any more games so that he can finish the season at 69. on with the picks, home team in caps, point spreads from caesar's.

MIN (+1.5) over det
i'm done with the lions. the way they lost that game is one of the worst things i've ever seen in football. that franchise is in complete disarray and matt millen needs to be decapitated and have his head displayed in the locker room as a warning to future GM's. anyways, here's how much vegas hates joey harrington. they're playing what has probably been the worst team in the NFL without their star quarterback, without a defense, and probably a bunch of cases of herpes, and vegas is basically telling you, we just don't know with a small line like that. the lion's season is over, they mail it in from here on out.

sd (-6.5) over NYJ
i could be wrong, but i feel like the bolts have been good against the spread this year, or at least they've alternated. not that it matters against a terrible team like the jets, who are another franchise that pinned to many of their hopes on a quarterback that just can't get it done.

ten (+3) over CLE
uh...yeah....whatever. give me the points.

oak (+4.5) over KC
call me crazy, but i think that lamont jordan is going to have a monster day at arrowhead. i just checked the weather and it's still nice in KC so i think that the chiefs will lose a little bit of the homefield. plus i heart priest holmes

NO (+2.5) over chi
before the hurricane, the saints were maddeningly inconsistent as a team and against the spread. now the team sucks, but they're still maddeningly inconsistent against the spread. i dunno, i just like taking home dogs...

cin (-3) over BAL
...unless your defense is missing its best two players and you're playing a pretty good team...

car (-1.5) over TB
...or your quarterback's name is chris simms. plus it looks like carolina is finally getting it together. i think they've looked really good the past few weeks.

JAX (-13.5) over hou
the big lines just killed me last week, as most of those dogs covered. but like i said last week, after big wins, bad teams almost always will let down. and i know they only beat the browns, but any win for the texans is a big win.

MIA (+3) over atl
back to the home dogs...yeah, i don't know what the falcons have done off the bye, but this just makes sense to me. i figure that vick won't have a great day throwing the ball against a decent miami secondary, and that saban is just going to pound the ball all day. i also think that ricky williams is going to score his first td this week.

SFO (+11) over nyg
really good wins for both the niners and the giants last week. however, history tells me to not take eli manning on the road.

sea (-4) over ARI
kurt warner gets the start for the cards and the hawks are coming off a week of rest. although this one might get f'ed up by holmgren. he still hasn't lost those crucial few games that he should win but effs up anyway, so i'm basically waiting for the other shoe to drop.

pit (-4) over GB
i can't find the line anywhere for this one. presumably it's off because of rothliaasdg;k being out. the only thing that i could find was that the line opened up at 6, so i figure i'd shave off just a few with chuckie batch starting. i think that it's curious that tommy maddox is still on the roster. i mean after what he did in jacksonville, is there any rationale whatsoever to keep this guy around? anyways, the brett favre suicide watch has officially started. you thought 5 ints was a lot? just wait until now, when he's totally mailed it in.

WAS (-3) over phi
both of these teams are coming off pretty embarassing losses last week. the line here is off at caesar's as well, as it seems that it's still up in the air whether or not mcnabb is going to play this week. even with mcnabb though, i like washington's defense alot better than philly's. i mean i like it a whoooooooole lot better, gimme fifty on this one.

NE (+3) over ind
see below

bonus props! i really can't think of a game in the past few years, that when you saw it when the schedules first came out, you knew it was going to be monumental as the new england/colts tilt this monday night. and the reason why this game is so big is for one reason and one reason only: peyton manning. i can't think who has excelled as much as he had that has had as big of a monkey on his back. for the past two years, we've seen the best quarterback of the last five year, heck maybe even of the best qb of his generation turn into a whiny little bitch whenever he faces the pats. i almost felt sorry for him last year as he was standing on the sideline. it really looked like he was about to break down and start crying. it's almost as if he doesn't win this one, he'll never ever win a super bowl, and he'll go down in history with the likes of the dan marinos, the charles barkleys and the ted williamses of the world.

and now, this is his best chance to tame this demon. his team is undefeated and the patriots are most definitely not at full strength. indy's defense is better than it ever has been, and the pats have got nothing in their secondary. i like indy's defense alot and unlike my roommate, i don't think they're overrated. in fact, i think they're pretty effin' awesome. they actually remind me a lot of the early nineties cowboys' defenses, in that they were faster than just about any other unit that anyone could throw out there. these cats can fly. they have a charles haley in dwight freeny. a pass rushing monster that really improves the games of the other less talented defensive lineman. but here's the difference. dallas' secondary was a hell of a lot better with all sorts of solid corners and of course the key piece darren the sherrif woodson patrolling the secondary and crushing any ball carrier who dare get past eight yards of the line of scrimmage. indy's secondary is ok, but nothing like the cowboys. and with tom brady throwing the passes...well, did any of you see the baltimore game last week. what he did, bringing his team back to score three td's like that in the fourth quarter...well, i hate to invoke this phrase, but that was just plain jordanesque. so that's why i expect indy to fold like an unsuited 2-7. and since this game is all about peyton, we'll build our bonuses around mannings' performance.

leg 1 - # of ints thrown over/under - 1.5
leg 2 - # of TDs throw over/under - 2.5
leg 3 - passing yards over/under - 275

usual scoring system 1 pt per leg, however, i'm going to limit bonus points to 2 if you get all three. i'll take the under on the first 2 and the over on the last one.

super duper bonus props - the only thing that can detract from the manning talk is tedi bruschi. i'm glad as anyone that he's back, but part of me (the extremely dark and sorry part) almost wants him to suffer some kind of serious heart problem during the game that like makes him lose the use of his legs or something, just so that we can stop overpraising this guy for being brave or courageous or full of heart or some phony crap like that. don't get me wrong, he's an above average linebacker, but he's nowhere in the same league as the ray lewis' or the lawrence taylor's of the world. people just want to make him a hero because he looks and acts like mr. generic white sports guy. so this prop is going to be super duper - one of us is going to get an extra point, and one of us is going to lose a point. we have to predict the number of times that ABC from kickoff to the game clock expires, shows tedi bruschi on the sidelines doing nothing. in other words, how much attention is going to be paid to tedi bruschi than would otherise normally be paid to him. so if he's shown walking off the field after he makes a play or trying to fire up his teammates or talking to a coach, that is something that you would expect. i want to know how often they cut to him, just standing there doing nothing just so that they can talk about him. i can't even begin to think of an over under, which is why i'm forcing both of us to just give guesses. the person who is closer without going over wins a point. the other person loses a point. i think that they'll show him a lot during the first part of the game, but then switch angles as it becomes clearer that peyton manning is seriously questioning his sexuality, but even so, they'll still show him at least twice a quarter. i'll guess 7 cuts to brusci doing nothing.

11.01.2005

gwen stefani and her asian schoolgirl crew


interesting post from margaret cho's blog about this phenomenon.
...a Japanese schoolgirl uniform is kind of like blackface, I am just in acceptance over it, because something is better than nothing. An ugly picture is better than a blank space, and it means that one day, we will have another display at the Museum of Asian Invisibility, that groups of children will crowd around in disbelief, because once upon a time, we weren't there.