3.08.2006

hey america! jay mohr sucks!


hey america! i suck!

i'm unveiling the first of a new feature that i'm going to try and do on a semi-regular basis. please give a warm ragin' asian welcome to: hey america! this sucks! (polite smattering of applause). as someone who has spent a lifetime navigating the murky waters of popular culture, very often times i find that the water is as polluted as waters of lake michigan that i used to go swimming in once a year in college. you see, i believe that pop culture is important and means something to our greater understanding of culture, power, and society. i think that it is important to discuss these things that most people consider trivial. yet every now and again, i find a piece of poop that smells so bad, that even i have to admit, sometimes the stuff on television or the internet just out and out sucks. it's what i like to call popular culture deadweight. take for example, mandy moore. i mean what in the world has she ever done to make her worth talking about, yet there she is, at red carpet events smiling that toothy smile and taking up valuable brain power and discussion time with her vapidity. these pop culture deadweights bring nothing to the table and add nothing to the conversation. and i feel the need to let america how useless these things and people are. so without further ado...i present the first hey america! this sucks! award to.....jay mohr's cnnsi.com sports column.

you may remember jay mohr as the slimeball agent from jerry maguire and....well nothing else except a string of repeatedly failed bits such as last comic standing. anyways, for some reason, even after an awful stint as the resident funny man on FOX's NFL pregame show, cnnsi.com saw fit to give jay mohr a space to write a rambling incoherent account of his life as a sports fan. recent topics have included handing out sports oscars!, the winter olympics are goofy!, the NBA has some players with funny names!

as you might guess, these are all just platforms for mohr to make tired and bad jokes about nothing. take for instance, this zinger from his most recent column watching sports on television:
Which do you think is more odd? I think that the Lakers get the nod on this one since Kwame Brown got 12 boards against the Pistons front line. How that happened I have no idea. I didn't think Brown was capable of getting 12 boards in a lumber yard.
(cue crickets chirping in background)

anyways, the larger issue here is cnnsi.com's attempt to have "a funny guy". i'm all for mixing stuff up with these sports news outlets, but hiring a largely unsuccessul comic reeks of inauthenticity and desperation. cnnsi is better than that. if anyone over there is reading, don't try to force the comedy angle, just tell your current crop of writers to let loose a little more. i.e. their resident old school football guy dr. z is plenty funny in his columns and all of his jokes make sense in the context of his column. encourage everyone to do that. especially that stick-up-his-ass tom verducci. and also know that when i click over to cnnsi.com in the morning and when i look over and see this:

i click to sportingnews.com immediately.

so there you go america, jay mohr sucks.

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