5.09.2006

hey america, david blaine sucks!

here is installment 2 of the hey america this sucks series. i present to you one david blaine. for those of you who have no pop culture IQ, david blaine is a magician who likes to pull stunts like burying himself alive for a week or sitting on a flagpole for a week or freezing himself for a week...i think you get the picture. anyways, he just finished his latest stunt where he spent a week underwater with nothing but a airmask thingee. his grand finale was last night where he was supposed to hold his breath for eight minutes before coming out of the tank, but he was only able to hold his breath for seven minutes. mission not accomplished.

anyways, my complaint to david blaine is this: why don't you do magic anymore? no one gives a rat's ass about your kooky stunts. i mean i guess it's somewhat impressive that you've been able to discipline your body to the point where you can withstand the elements, but really what's the point. at least when we watch athletes do it, our team might win. when you do it, nobody wins. especially the television viewing public. but more seriously, why don't you do magic anymore? it was cool when you were able to make cards appear from people's a-holes and what not. david copperfield is the biggest douchebag around, but i'll still tune in to see him make the statue of liberty disappear. that's cool. you standing in a water tank isn't cool. the point is, if david blaine has stopped doing magic, i don't really understand the appeal. this is like his fourth stunt. if he tries another one, i will have no choice but to destroy my karma and actively wish death upon him. so there you have it america, david blaine sucks.


david blaine's next stunt, ten days with a catherer stuck up his peehole.

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