7.20.2006

britney spears reminds everyone that she's losing it

so here's the latest on britney's website (don't ask why i check her website...i can't give you a good answer). anyways, i'm reproducing it here since her site is flash enabled and you have to fish around to find this, her latest diary/poetry entry (if you must, you have to click on the "love b" section, which is the large green bubble). apropros, it's called "stream of consiousness, and you will find it accompanied a translation, by noted professor of critical pop tart studies, dr. bob ngo. britney's words in italics, my translation in normal font.

Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What Immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
- William Blake

translation: i was watching animal planet last night and saw something on tigers. since i don't know shit about tigers, i googled them and found this poem by some guy with a hot sounding name. doesn't this make me look smart?

In some ways, people are a lot like animals. We all hunger for the same things. Love, lust, danger, warmth and adventure.

translation: hey remember the video for "slave," and how hot i looked back then, and how every male in america wanted to commit statutory rape with me? that's still me on the inside. i know that i looked like a mess on the outside on that matt lauer thing, but i promise inside, i'm still a little lolita that is worth shelling out 19 bucks a CD, just to look at the outfits i'm wearing in the liner notes. just because i've had a kid doesn't make me any less desirable. despite my pleas for privacy, please still pay attention to me!

Like people, animals all have their own rhythm to life.

translation: ok check it, i had absolutely nothing to do with po po zao. kevvie claims that it's a brazilian beat, but i'm not sure what beats have to do with waxing. i don't know why he just couldn't hire pharrell like i told him to.

I'm mesmerized by tigers. Their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival. They almost have a sense of mysteriousness about them. They pull you in and make it difficult to look away. They make you wonder what is behind their gaze. A sense of eerie awe comes over you in their presence.

translation: look, i know you're tired about hearing about me and especially tired of having to put up with that leech of a husband i have, but you have to admit, it's pretty entertaining. i mean have you ever seen such an assclown? making fun of him is like shooting fish in a barrel. has there ever been a bigger waste of a human life since fred durst? oh crap wait, i banged him too...never mind.

The fear they give you when you pass them is stunning.

translation: don't worry, i'm leaving his sorry ass. soon. as soon as i have his other baby. after all that was the smart move in this troubled relationship.

Behold the beauty of the tiger.

translation: next stop playboy magazine!


to quote joe namath, "s-t-r-uggling"

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