bobby the gook season 3, week 17

well, here it is folks, the last week of the season and what better way to mourn/celebrate the death of james brown, gerald ford, and saddam hussein then picking football games! it just goes to show you, that the sports/entertainment complex has us so thoroughly distracted that we (meaning me) could really give a crap about the supreme irony of the execution of one of the world's most notorious dictators being used as a distraction for one of the worst military quagmires since vietnam. don't get me wrong, i appreciate the irony, i just don't give a crap cuz there are over 200 different NFL playoff scenarios still possible in this last week that i need to think about so that i can win imaginary money on my virtual soapbox. it's depressing isn't it. anyways, even more depressing is how both fredo and i fared last week. fredo went 6-10, while i didn't do much better at 7-9. erik as always sucked too, going 6-10. what isn't depressing is how much ass i kicked in the vegas round. i won $320, while fredo, despite going crazy with his bets still lost 60 bucks. here are the standings.

Bob vs. Fredo
season record
Winning Pct.
Vegas Round

Bob vs. Erik
season record
Winning Pct.

it's amazing how fredo is 32 games above five hundred, and equally amazing that erik is virtually guaranteed a losing season, just like a certain midwestern-leonine-mascotted-professional-football-team is every year. anyways, this week's board is pretty tough and given the fact that underdogs have ruled the year, expect lots of dogs from me and fredo. the main thing to look for however, is that i need to at least tread water to finish above .500, which is all i really am hoping for. let's finish this. home team in caps and numbers from caesars.

nyg (-2.5) over WAS (o/u - 42.5)
i hate myself for taking the giants. they are a disaster in every sense of the word. eli does suck, tiki's retirement was a distraction, and coughlin did lose control of his team. but the redskins are still the redskins. seriously, daniel snyder was trying so hard to be the ultimate evil genius combo of mark cuban and jerry jones that you know he's gotta be looking to sell the team at this point. the worse part of this is that if the giants win, they'll almost guarantee themselves a playoff berth.

BAL (-9.5) over buf (o/u - 35)
it's tough to take such big favorites, and despite the bills showing some signs of life late this season, i think that with home field still a possibility for the ravens, that they'll take care of business at home.

CIN (-6) over pit (o/u - 44.5)
this game troubles me. on the one hand, i think that the steeler's secondary isn't going to be able to handle chad johnson and carson palmer. on the other hand, bill cowher is the kind of coach that can probably actually convince his team to play for pride and all of that kind of mumbo jumbo. still i just think that the bengals are a better team, and are at least a touchdown better than the steelers.

DAL (-13) over det (o/u - 44)
i have a couple of theories working here. first, the cowboys are the kind of team to kick total ass the last week to give me false hope for the playoffs. they really blew it last week in the loss to the eagles. the really bad thing about it was i knew from the very beginning of last week that the cowboys would lose that game. just goes to show you that coaches are extremely overrated. but bad management trumps bad coaching, and the detroit lions are the single most mismanaged sports team in football. i see multiple defensive scores for the cowboys in this one.

HOU (-4) over cle (o/u - 38.5)
wouldn't it be awesome if somehow the loser of this game was forced to fold its franchise? this game makes me like football a little less.

IND (-9) over mia (o/u - 42)
i find it amusing that saban is rumored to be leaving for the alabama job after the season. this after two years of football scribes fellating him for putting together two sub-.500 teams. why is it that people love hard ass white coaches. it's like they yearn for the day when older white authority figures kept black people in line with disciplinary tactics such as firehoses or lynchmobs. the crazy thing is that for the same reasons, you would think that they would also love laid back black coaches like art shell or lovie smith, but they don't. shell sucks so that's no big deal, but lovie smith, how can you not think this guy is a genius.

kc (-2.5) over JAX (o/u - 36.5)
jack del rio = nick saban lite.

stl (-2.5) over MIN (o/u - 44)
let's take a minute to appreciate how badly the rams have fallen off since their super bowl win all those years ago. they had probably the best offense in the history of the NFL, and now i think that there are maybe two or three of those guys left in place. maybe if kurt warner doesn't hurt his thumb, then maybe it is the rams who might have played the role that the patriots ended up playing.

car (-3) over NO (o/u - 37)
still taking the panthers on the road, plus i'd be really surprised to see drew brees play more than two series.

oak (+12) over NYJ (o/u - 34)
part of me wants to say that the raiders lay the biggest stinkbomb to put an exclamation on one of the worst seasons ever for a once-storied franchise, but that's just too many points for a mediocre jets team.

atl (+8) over PHI (o/u - 43)
i would have taken the eagles earlier in the week when they were -6.

TB (-3) over sea (o/u - 36.5)
i guess that the seahawks are resting starters? who cares, there's no way in hell the seahawks get out of the wildcard game. parity is a cruel mistress.

TEN (-3) over ne (o/u - 43)
at this rate, the titans might never lose a game while vince young is playing. but seriously, what do the patriots have to play for?

DEN (-10.5) over sfo (o/u - 38)
the broncos got completely lucky last week, but that's the kind of thing that actually really helps the broncos i think. cutler has another win under his belt to boost his confidence, and home field of course helps. it also helps that the niners are still a wide reciever, a quarterback, and half a defense from being any good.

SD (-14) over ari (o/u - 44)
the only thing that worries me about this game is that it will be over by half time. but the chargers have been pretty awesome against the spread this year.

gb (-3) over CHI (o/u - 36)
what i hate about this game is how everyone is trying to play it up as brett favre's last game, when i'm willing to bet anything that he'll be back next year. certainly, he breaks marino's all-time td record next season. it almost doesn't make any sense for him retire. nobody remembers jordan half assing it with the wizards, and no one remembers willie mays sucking ass with the mets. people do however, remember how awesome their career numbers were.

money bets coming later, but expect both fredo and i to kick it up a notch here in the last week of the season. i'm planning on making at least 1000 bob bucks worth of bets and i'm pretty sure that we'll see fredo bet the farm and then some to try and catch up.


Erik said...

Dammit if I can destroy both of you in fantasy, I can obliterate you in picking week 17.


WAS over nyg - Jeremy Shockey's head explodes in a flurry of dirty blond hair after the game, when asked whether his inferior coaching forced him to drop 63 balls this season.

alfredo said...


$25 - buf/CIN/det/HOU (insurance on the pool picks)
$25 - PHI/sea/NO/mia (insurance pt.2)
$25 - KC/stl/car
$25 - HOU/IND/KC
$25 - TB/ne/DEN
$25 - pit/cle/jax
$25 - stl/pit/oak/PHI

$100 - ne
$100 - KC
$100 - BAL
$100 - pit
$100 - stl
$90 - SD

Erik said...

Underdog city:

det (yes, we're going to destroy your playoff momentum and possibly your very lives)

Bob said...

$200 KC
$100 STL
$100 ATL
$200 BAL
$50 Cin

$100 bal/cin/dal
$50 ten/den/ind
$50 oak/sfo/det <-superdog special
$50 gb/bal/kc <-qb's that should retire special
$50 gb/sd/tb/kc <-two letter abbreviation special
$50 phi/cin/sfo <-"it's fredo's fault if we lose the pool" special.

and finally, the completely ridiculous bet that is like throwing away 75 dollars:
$25 bal/cin/dal/hou/ind/kc/stl
$25 bal/cin/dal/cle/ind/kc/stl
$25 bal/cin/det/hou/ind/kc/stl