9.29.2006

bobby the gook season 3, week 4

oh man am i horrible at handicapping football. my guaranteed victory statements at the beginning of the season look pretty awful right about now. i'm beginning to think that i'm the daunte culpepper of football handicapping. for those first three years i was nails, but now i've been floundering for the past two years. i wish i had an explanation, but is there ever a good explanation for unfulfilled potential other than just simple tragedy? i went 2-12-1 last week, which you would be hard pressed to do even if you tried. i also whiffed on the big bet. for the season that brings me 16-32-1 (.327) and 1-2 on the big bet (.333). the worst part is that i missed an opportunity as fredo only went 7-6-1 last week. apparently, he forgot to pick a game as his fifty dollar bet, but it's not a problem as i am eliminating the big bet from this part of the game and i'll explain in a bit.. anyways, that last week brings fredo's season total to 30-17-1 (.625) . taking out the big bets from the frist two weeks, fredo is 29-16-1 (.630), while without the big bets, i am 15-30-1 (.326)

erik got around to joining our little gang bang here and in a incomprehensible twist of complete and sheer luck, he bested both me and fredo, going 8-5-1. what can i say, every a-hole from detroit has his day. anyways, the two week standings between erik and i are me: 9-18-1 (.321) and erik: 14-14-1 (.483).

bonus wise, fredo and i missed all of our parlays, with me losing 12 bucks and fredo losing 10. our current accounts check in at $178 and $130. anyways, after some discussion we've decided to change the way the bonus round works. instead of only doing parlays, we're going to let fred and me bet on pretty much any pro-football game against the spread or over unders. we're not going to do any straight up betting since i'm just too lazy to track down money lines, but we'll pretend that our imaginary casino just gives you straight up odds and doesn't charge a transaction fee. that is if you bet 50 bucks, you win 50 bucks. again, the whole point of this exercise is to simulate vegas as much as possible and we'd never go to vegas and just bet on parlays. so instead of 10 bucks a week, we're going to be required to bet 100 bucks a week. of course we're going to add 90 dollars per week for all of the remaining weeks in the pro-football season (14 weeks x $90 = $1260). and we can still do parlays if we want and those will pay out as they did before. we're not going to do college because the lines are going to change from day to day and i'm not going to post all of the college games' lines. besides, college football sucks. anyways, with our additional funds i now have $1438 and fredo has $1390. this is going to take the place of the fifty dollar bet, since now we actually will be able to make fifty dollar bets. man that's a long intro to read before getting to the picks. as always, point spreads from caesar's and home team in caps.

NYJ (+9.5) over ind (o/u - 46)
i hope that i'm wrong and that i'm jinxing this because i have all sorts of colts starting this week for my fantasy teams. plus that's just a whole lot of points to give up on the road.

BAL (+2.5) over sd (o/u - 33.5)
what's it going to take for me to give the chargers any respect? well i can't do anything after a bye week. if the chargers win this week then i will be more than happy to admit that i was wrong. but i forsee bad times for philip rivers in this game. he's a little better than i thought he'd be, but i'm pretty sure he's never faced a defense like this.

BUF (-1) over min (o/u -34.5)
did everyone see jp losman after the bills lost last week? he was all indignant and whining about being tired of people calling the bills losers or some crap like that. and inexplicably i saw at least 2 or 3 sports talking heads saying that they like to see that from a quarterback. puh-leeze, this guy really hasn't shown me much at all. he had 300 yards last week, but that is the first time he's ever shown a bit of anything. plus he couldn't find anyone in the end zone. the sooner that buffalo cuts ties with this assclown the better. that said, i still like buffalo's defense. the vikes seem to still not be able to do much with the running game. 3 ypc just ain't gonna get it done.

dal (-9.5) over TEN (o/u -37)
remember that thing about nine and a half points being too much for a road team. that rule doesn't apply when you have suicidal wide receivers on america's greatest sports franchise ever playing against kerry collins. this is where dallas is going to start blowing people out of the water with their defense. i know i'm jinxing it, but dammit, i think we all see it coming.

KC (-7) over sfo (o/u -40.5)
something about teams after the bye week at home...

no (+7) over CAR (o/u -42)
you know, both teams really showed something out there last week. i mean carolina finally put together something that resembled a decent offensive plan and the saints, well, aside from having the NFL on their side actually didn't look that bad. i think that emotion will carry over a little bit this week, but only enough to keep it close. by the way, i'm working on a little piece about how the NFL has unabashedly exploited the katrina mess for their own personal gain and profit, while screwing black people and poor people at the same time! look for it in the next couple of days.

ATL (-7.5) over ari (o/u -41)
you can't tell me that the falcoms aren't super pissed off that the NFL did everything they could to make sure that the saints won that game last week. and you can't tell me that the cards are better off with kurt warner fumbling away the football twice in the last five minutes. take the under too.

HOU (+3.5) over mia (o/u -40.5)
why would anyone ever take miami again? when in doubt, take the points.

STL (-6) over det (o/u -44)
lesson learned part 1: after taking detroit for three straight weeks, i've learned my lesson. that teams is not only bad, but it stinks to high hell. they just cut cory bradford because mike furrey has outplayed him. detroit is looking at another high draft pick this year and hopefully someone will mercifully put matt millen out of his misery and het him out of there.

CIN (-6) over ne (o/u -46)
the only thing that worries me about this game is that every year there always seems to be a point where a lot of people are talking about how the pats are done and that they had a great run, and then they go out and reel off four straight or something. it seems like a lot of people are saying that kinda stuff right now. i'm taking the bengals and i expect big things from carson in his last week of having a healthy knee, but i'd stay away from this one.

WAS (+3) over jax (o/u -34)
i thought that the jags actually didn't look that bad in the first half of last week's game. and as mentioned before in this column, clinton portis is what makes the redskins offense go. you could go either way on this one as well, so i'm going to take the points.

cle (-3) over OAK (o/u -34)
lesson learned part 2: i realize now the folly of putting any kind of faith in the raiders. from here on out unless the raiders are getting a ridiculous amount of points, i'm always going to pick against the raiders. this team embarrasses me.

CHI (-3) over sea (o/u -35)
the seahawks blew out the giants last week, but this week they face a real defense. like what i saw out of grossman last week as well. this is going to be a good football game for sure. i'm glad it's the sunday night game.

PHI (-11) over gb (o/u -48)
philly rolls in a big way, which is troublesome for me since the team that one of the teams that i am playing in fantasy this week has mcnabb going. green bay is going to get destroyed, if for no other reason than it will set up things perfectly for next weeks death match of the eagles vs. t.o. the nfl is smart and will not do anything to that might hurt the build up to what will be easily the most hyped game of the season.

bonus time - gimme fifty bucks on the browns, that's right, i'm putting my biggest bet on a team that's 0-3. gimme another twenty on the eagles to cover and ten on the sd/bal under. 5 dollar parlay on chi/cle/philly. and another 5 on cle/atl & ari under/dal/was. i already like this new format alot better.

9.27.2006

T.O. = some kind of crazy

as i'm sure you've all read by now, everyone's favorite prima donna reciever may or may not have attempted suicide last night. do i think he really tried? how the hell should i know? do i think he has some kind of mental disorder? youbetcha! here's an interesting take on the whole mental health thing in the NFL by Dr. Z.

my own theory is that i've always thought that terell might be gay and that being closeted causes him great mental discomfort as i'm sure it does for all people who don't think they can come out. think about it, remember how vitriolic he was towards gay people in san francisco? i've always thought that violent homophobia was a way of denying your own true sexuality. the obsession with physical fitness? the flamboyant touchdown celebrations? but now with the suicide attempt and the knowledge that gay people are much much more likely to attempt suicide than straight people? if that isn't enough to fuel completely unfounded speculation, than i don't know what is. either way, i'm glad he's ok, cuz in two weeks he's going to torch the eagles and put them out of division title contention.

9.23.2006

bobby the gook season 3, week 3

man do i suck in so many different ways. first, i really dropped the ball on blogging this week. there's plenty i missed too, but all i can say is that i've been busy. the GF is back in town and i've been spending time with her, so i have a legitimate excuse. i also sucked with last week's pick, while fredo was stellar. i know nothing about football. anyways, today is move-in day for HK so i don't really have a whole lot of time. so let's just get right to it. last week, i went 7-10, missing my big bet, while fredo was 13-4 hitting his big bet. that brings the two week standings to me: 14-20 ( .412) and 1-1 (.500) on the big bet; fredo: 23-11 (.676) and 2-0 (1.000) on the big bet. parlay wise, i lost 10 bucks so i'm at $190, while fredo lost 20 to brin his account balance to $140 as always, numbers from caesar's and home team in caps.

BUF (-6) over nyj (o/u - 34.5)
how about the bills defense? a wise woman once told me that the bills will always break your heart, but so far this year they've looked a lot better than advertised. i still think that losman sucks, but i just don't believe in the jets. i like the under a lot on this one as well.


PIT (-2) over cin (o/u -43)
yeah, big ben looked like ass last week. but at the same time, their defense still only gave up 9 points. not that the jags are the same kind of offensive juggernaut that the bengals are supposed to be, but i just really like the steelers defense at home.

jax (-7) over IND (o/u - 43)
i really don't know about this pick. the jags look like a legitimate team so far. and they always seem to play the colts tough. however, the line started at 8.5 so i'm a little worried about this one.

ten (+10.5) over MIA (o/u - 35.5)
that's just to many points to give up when your offense can barely muster 10 points a game. seriously, they're calling for joey harrington in miami. how bad do you have to be to have joey harrington breathing down your neck. jason whitlock wrote an interesting bit in his last NFL column about how black qb's always have more pressure on them when a white guy is the backup. seriously, joey harrington. anyways, a must win for the dolphins, but i think that the titans can score at least 10 points, which means that miami has to score 22 points, which is a tough order for a crappy offense. p.s. eff you nick saban for giving carries to lee suggs, which makes my ronnie brown less valuable fantasy wise.

HOU (+4) over was (o/u - 37.5)
the texans seemed to be able to move the ball decently late, and washington's whole offense is in complete disarray. those skins' corners suck balls. look for a big game for andre johnson and look for the redskins season go down the crapper. oh, and the over, big time.

chi (-3.5) over MIN (o/u - 35)
wow, no respect for the great play of the bears defense. i guess the vikings look ok, but they've beat washington who is not that good, and the panthers basically gave away last week's game. this seems like a sensible 50 dollar bet, so i'll make the bears my big bet of the week.

car (-3) over TAM (o/u - 34)
this seems like another easy bet. i'm pretty sure that steve smith is a go this week, and chris simms really really really really is regressing. but for some reason, most writers can't seem to admit that he crumbles under even the least bit of pressure. when it's all said and done i think that chris simms is going to go down as the guy that people always give a chance and simms will always let those people down.

DET (-6.5) over gb (o/u - 39)
last week, as soon as the games started, i felt pretty bad about my detroit pick. that was the worst pick last week. yet here i am, betting on jon kitna again. what is my problem? actually, what is brett favre's problem. i think that the fact that he looked ok on a couple of drives last week is causing the weinies of football writers all over the nation go crazy. don't believe the hype, it's going to be a sequel.

bal (-7) over CLE (o/u - 33)
i'm feeling pretty good about the ravens this day. remember, they're my pick to win their division and if that defense is what is seems to be, they might make a deep playoff run. but i don't really think that's going to happen, i just think that the browns are bad.

ARI (-4.5) over stl (o/u - 44.5)
the rams aren't actually as bad i thought they were going to be. steve jackson looks great this year, but i don't see much happening on defense. on the flip side, the cards aren't probably as good as i thought they were going to be, but i think that god will reward kurt warner's piety with 3 touchdowns this week.

nyg (+3.5) over SEA (o/u - 43)
i'm just real impressed with the giants so far. while seattle may be the most underwhelming 2-0 in the league. this could go either way, but after last weeks comeback win, i think that the giants will avenge their horrible loss against the seahawks from last year.

phi (6.5) over SFO (o/u - 42)
bay area fans are the biggest knee jerkers in the world. almost every san fran fan i talked to last week think that the niners are going to score 30+ a game from here on out. that's just stupid. d-mac shows what a great qb this week with a monster game.

NE (-6.5) over den (o/u - 39)
the pats did come awfully close to blowing the spread last week, but brady just was himself and wasted 8 minutes of the clock with dink and dunk bs. on the other side of the ball, the anti-brady, jake, my personal rake really seems like he wants to retire. i wonder if jay cutler will get into this game?

atl (-4) over NO (o/u - 43.5)
the line started out at 2.5 which has to be the whole "first game at the superdome since katrina thing". but it seems that the bettors aren't buying into the emotion thing either. so why would i? if this line were 7.5 i might go with the saints, but i think that michael vick is going to run buckwild on the saints as he continues his quest to win my heart back from ladanian tomlinson.

parlays, i'm going to go crazy here, so bear with me

4 bucks on bal/chi/jax
4 bucks on det/chi/hou-wash over/buff-nyj under
4 bucks on buf/ten/ari/phi/chi/atl

9.15.2006

bobby the gook season 3, week 2

it looks like the guaranteed victory season has gotten off to an inauspicious start. the first week was one of the more strange week ones i can remember. home teams sucked last week, both in real life and against the spread. furthermore, the schedule featured a bunch of good teams taking care of business on the road against bad teams, so it's hard to take away any impressions about last week in terms of how good teams are going to be. for example, do we really learn anything about the bears after a 26-0 win over the horrible packers? ditto with the chargers killing the raiders on monday night. anyways, i got off to a bad start with a 7-10 record (.412) including hitting my fifty dollar bet (1-0 1.000), while fredo also got his fifty dollar bet (1-0, 1.000) and started the year 10-7 (.588). erik on the other hand didn't fare any better than me and finished 6-9. if you count the miami game than we tied. either way, he's still a big douchebag. i play him in fantasy this week and i am going to freakin' destroy him. anyways, in the second part of the scoring, fredo missed all of his wacky parlays, while i hit on my three team parlay, which really makes me wish that i had been in vegas this weekend. anyways, as of right now, fredo has $160 in his account, and i, by virtue of hitting the three team parlay get 6-1 on a five dollar bet. losing my 4 team cancels out the money betted, so i'm up to $200 bucks. anyways, let's get on with the picks. as always, the spreads are from caesar's and home team in caps.

oak (+12.5) over BAL (o/u - 34)
i know, i know, picking the raiders really was a stupid move last week. but sometimes, you have to take the left field pick, because there's almost always a game that goes exactly the way it should. anyways, this is the first of several very large numbers on the board. let's see if the whole away team covering thing keeps up, and seriously, how good can the ravens be? although several prominent writers like peter king and eric allen think that the ravens are back to their super bowl defense days with ray lewis seemingly at 100%. as much as i hated the raiders last week, however, i just can't give up that many points to anyone, except to...

IND (-12.5) over hou (o/u - 47)
for one second, houston looked like they might have something last week. they took the opening kickoff and scored a touchdown on a good philly defense. and then reality set in and mario williams sucked ass, while the running game sucked even more. we obviously can't judge bush versus williams right now but let's just say someone seems to have the upper hand early. seriously, once, mario williams ends up on anther team, we should take away the franchise from houston. indy all the way.

CIN (-10.5) over cle (o/u - 42)
did i mention that there were a lot of big numbers this week? what do you make of the bengals beating the chiefs? sure they beat them handily, but really shouldn't they have beaten them by fifty points? i had better plans in mind for the browns this year, but they looked pretty awful last week. in the battle of teams from ohio, the single worst state in the union, i'll take the bengals here.

buf (+6.5) over MIA (o/u -37)
this could very well be an extremely knee jerk reaction to miami's performance against the steelers, but man , i thought they looked like dogshit. their defense couldn't stop the run or charlie effin batch. and as for the bills, well, they choked it away at the end, but they looked like they might be a little better than expected last week. we'll go with the bills, but like i said, it's possible that i'm just overreacting to last week here.

det (+8.5) over CHI (o/u -32)
i'm getting nervous about taking so many road teams, but this one seems about right to me as well. i thought the lions looked really good on defense against the seahawks...can it be much harder to stop the bears offense? i'm not saying the lions win, but that's just a lot of points to give up, so gimme detroit here.

car (pk) over MIN (o/u -37.5)
seriously, somebody stop the madness with all of these road teams. look, the vikes looked ok, and hopefully chester taylor can turn his 31 carries a game into fantasy gold for me, but i just think that everyone's super bowl pick will be just fine once steve smith gets into the fold. i'll take carolina.

nyg (+3) over PHI (o/u - 42)
seriously, this is getting ridiculous with the road teams. ok, here's the deal. the giants were going to lose that game to the colts no matter what. and philly was going to win that game against the texans no matter what. so if you ask me, both of these teams are exactly the same on paper, so when in doubt, take the points.

ATL (-5.5) over tam (o/u - 35.5)
seriously, michael vick looked hot last week. while chris simms did not look so hot. you know when you think about it, gruden and simms deserve each other. atlanta all the way.

no (-1.5) over GB (o/u -38)
brett farvre is become as easy money as they come in the NFL these days, unless i have a really good reason not to do so, i'm always gonna bet against favre this season.

SFO (+3) over stl (o/u -44)
i have no idea about this one. i will say this, san fran's offense looked pretty ok with frank gore in there as the number one guy. and st. louis isn't going to get it done with only their kicker scoring.

ari (+7) over SEA (o/u -47)
again, i have very little feel for games this week since last week was so ambiguous, but i just think that number is a little big if arizona is supposed to be that surprise team this year.

ne (-6.5) over NYJ (o/u -37)
brady and dillon come back with a vengeance this week. i know everyone loves how the jets played last week, but i'm pretty sure that can't last.

ten (+12) over SD (o/u -38)
ok, i know this seems crazy, but i didn't see anything out of rivers to make me think that they're going to be able to rely on him to not make any mistakes. unless marty plans to run the ball exclusively this year, then at some point, i think we're going to see failure. not that the titans are really any good, but they have a better secondary than the raiders. san diego wins, but i think the titans barely cover however.

DEN (-10.5) over kc (o/u -39)
this line troubles me quite a bit. denver looked hella bad last week, but i'm just going to chalk that up to jake being jake. however, i think that the chiefs have big problems as they really couldn't get the running game going at all last week, and this week with trent green out, they're really going to need it. but at the same time, you're still betting with the snake here? aughhh! gimme denver.

was (+6.5) over DAL (o/u -37)
just going for the jinx here people. stay away from this one.

pit (-2.5) over JAX (o/u -37.5)
looks like i was wrong about pittsburgh. they look awesome, especially that defense. however, i read that polamalu is quiestionable for this game. if that's the case, then stay away, but otherwise, this one is going to be another blowout on monday night. gimme fifty on the steelers.

again, i'm pressed for time, so i'll have to get my parlays in a comment later.

9.13.2006

punter-on-punter violence

so according to this story, northern colorado's backup punter attacked the starter and then stabbed him in his kicking leg. that's right, the freakin' backup punter wanted that starting punting job for a also-ran college football program so badly that he was willing to stab someone for it. anyways, i'm sure he'll have plenty of time to build up his leg strength on the prison yard leg press. let's just say that he'll probably be fielding punts pretty soon, if you know what i mean.


i got your coffin corner right here bee-otch!

9.11.2006

weird picture



is it me or does tiger woods actually look black in this picture? maybe it's because he's standing next to swiss guy roger federer (i don't think you can get any whiter than swiss) or maybe it's because we're so used to seeing him in vanilla golf outfits, but i just thought it was worth posting for posterity.

9.09.2006

racializing survivor

as i am sure you have all heard by now, survivor is going to divide up their next set of contestants by race. i'm sure that many of you, when you first heard this, shook your head and cringed at the thought of racial representation on television being set back 20 years. this was my first reaction, but after a little bit of thought, i just wanted to say that we, especially the sociology community should actually welcome this opportunity. is the editing of the show going to play up the race card and do so in a way that probably plays up stereotypes? of course it is. however, that's something we know. and to be honest, even though it's better than it was in the eighties, racial representation on television isn't nearly as progressive as we want to think it is. did any of you realize that with the cancellation of the bernie mac show, that there isn't a single major network primetime show anchored by a person of color?

but like i said, that's not the point. what we should pay attention to is the discourse that it generates and how viewers react to this contrived racial segregation. it may not be what we hope it is, but i think that if we research this carefully we can learn a lot about where we are as a television viewing nation in terms of race. if i were a more enterprising sociologists, i would be coming up with ways to record observations of talk shows and internet fan sites and see how we talk about racial conflict. cuz let's face it, that's what the show is going to be about. the producers of the show are going to create situations where race is a salient issue and is part of the story line. anyways, i'm not an enterprising sociologist, rather i'm a lazy one who is trying to get his dissertation started, so i'll just be making armchair observations like the rest of you. but do i have any predictions? you bet.

1. i predict that the contestants will actually downplay race. the dominant discourse about race on television is what herman gray calls the assimilationist discourse which minimizes racial difference. contestants will instead be focused on the idea that they're all just trying to win a million dollars. this is not that different from how race is downplayed via the rhetoric of capitalism. in other words, people aren't oppressing me because they're racist, they're doing it because they're trying to make some cash.

2. i predict that there will be at least one storyline where a racial epiteth is uttered and made a very big deal about. this is one of the most tried and true television story lines when it comes to race, both in fictionalized television and news. i don't know how the producers will do it, as i imagine that people will be on their best behavior when on camera, but i bet that the producers will follow people around as best they can hoping that someone slips up and says something offensive. obviously, what the producers are really hoping is that one of the contestants, preferably white uses one of the big ones, like the n-word. however, what will probably happen is that one of the contestants will use a lesser epiteth, like calling one of the african americans lazy or saying that they have an advantage in physical challenges. either way, it will make for good discussion.

3. i predict that there is no way in hell that one of the white contestants wins. you do the math, 15 non-whites get to decide the fate of 5 white people. it's like the judicial system but in reverse!

lastly, let me also say that i think that most of the criticism seems to follow a corporate diversity kind of philosophy. that is, by talking about race, we're being racist. obviously, i think that this is stupid and the more chances we have to talk about race, even if it takes watching trashy televsion, then it's a good thing.

anyways, like i said, from a sociological and a pedagogical point of view, i think that this is going to be fun to follow. feel free to leave any predictions of your own in the comments section.

9.07.2006

bobby the gook season 3, week 1

all right kids, let's just hit the ground running, kickoff is less than an hour away, so no time to waste. scoring rules can be found here, and lines come from caesar's sportsbook. home team in caps.

mia (+1) over PIT (o/u - 34.5)
this line started at miami +5.5, but since roethlisberger hurt his appendix, it has plummeted. to be honest, i'm amazed that the steelers are still favored. this is going to be a pretty defensive affair especially with america's favorite qb charlie batch lining up for your defending super bowl champs. hmmm...good luck with all that. although the steelers were 2-0 with him starting last year. miami on the other hand is everyone, and i mean everyone's trendy pick to kick ass this year. count me as one of those people. in other news, i read that the steelers were going to play all kickoffs without helmets as a tribute to their fallen comrade. not that it will matter, gimme miami.

den (-4) over STL (o/u - 46)
seriously, over the years, i estimate that i've won well over 1000 bucks betting against jake plummer. it seems that this year, he's got a lot of things going for him with a proven receiver in javon walker and the always steady running game. mike martz really left things a mess in st. louis. some people seem to think that the rams are going to surprise people this season, but i just don't see it. believe it or not, i hate marc bulger worst than jake plummer this year. i'll take denver.

TEN(-3) over nyj (o/u - 36)
how much does it suck to have a game in week 1 where both teams' season is already over? the jets are horrible and the titans are at home, seems pretty easy to me. smart money is on tennessee, i'm since i'm smart, i'll take the titans.

buf (-9.5) over NE (o/u - 41)
wow, that's a big number, up from 7 earlier in the week. this is stupid, but i'm going to be a contrarian since i have willis mcgahee on my fantasy team, and say that the bills lose but keep it within a touchdown. hello rochester! gimme the bills.

bal (+3) over TAM (o/u -34)
admittedly, this isn't a smart pick, but chris simms may become my new jake plummer. do i think mcnair has anything left for the ravens, no, but when i think of the matchup of ray lewis and ed reed vs. chris simms, my heart goes out to chris' father phil. upset special, as i want the ravens.

cin (-2.5) over KC (o/u -46)
as fredo and i discussed earlier today...you should and i will include the over in your parlay. that's good money as kc's defense isn't going to stop anyone just yet, let alone the bengals. don't get me wrong, i think that carson palmer is still going to have problems with the knee, but he'll be fine for week 1 as the johnson brothers are going to go buckwild. although, this spread is down a point and a half from where it started. the pick is cinncinnatti.

sea (-6) over DET (o/u -45)
the more i think about the seahawks, the less i like their chances of returning to the super bowl. however, the more i think about detroit, the less i like their chances of winning a game this season. i feel bad for my roommate who is lions superfan #1. i tried to justify taking the lions, i really did, but i can't in good conscience pick the lions. seattle.

CAR (-4.5) over atl (o/u -39.5)
ughhhhh. stay away. this pick seems too easy. i'll take the carolina pantha'.

phi (-5) over HOU (o/u - 37)
i think fredo nailed it when he said the eagles are going to start hot and then fade hard after week 10. i think that mcnabb is going to have a really big game this week, so fantasy people with eagles, start 'em with confidence as the eagles are going to roll. eagles all the way.

CLE (-3) over no (o/u -36)
if i were a patriotic american i would say that the saints are a cinch to win their first game this season. however, i am not a patriotic american and more importantly, the saints defense has a lot of problems, which probably means that they hate america as well. the browns on the other hand are as american as apple pie and love the freedom which is brought to us via dead iraqi civilians. as seeing as how they're dying by the dozen over there, gimme the browns.

dal (+2) over JAX (o/u -36.5)
i have plenty of reasons not to take the cowboys here. dallas has a lousy record on opening day in the past 5 years. the jags play stout defense against the run, which i think parcells is going to do alot of. however, i just heard that marcus stroud sprained his ankle in practice and is questionable for sunday. he is the one that makes that defense go. besides, did you really think i'd pick against the cowboys during their super bowl run? the cowboys start with a win over the jags and win over the number.

chi (-3.5) over GB (o/u -34.5)
defense wins championships and in the case of this game, it also bends brett favre over and inserts the football into his anus. the funny thing is that i bet that in some alternate universe, this game is hailed as the passing of the torch from rex grossman to brett favre. however, in this universe, grossman sucks and favre gets concussed in the first quarter. bears, big time.

ARI (-7.5) over sfo (o/u - 42.5)
new stadium, new running back, worst team in the national football league. sounds like a blowout to me. gimme the cards and gimme three TDs for kurt warner. and gimme the under as i think that the niners get shut out.

ind (-3) over NYG (o/u -48.5)
fredo and i are thinking about calling our team for our football pool "peyton loves eli". that has nothing to do with anything but worth mentioning. if the colts don't blow out the giants, then i'll eat a live frog. gimme fiddy on the colts.

WAS (-4) over minn (o/u - 35)
ummm...no one knows what the deal is with portis is yet, but it shouldn't matter as i think the defense will end up winning this one for the skins. i hate taking the skins by the way, but the skins are the pick.

OAK (+3) over sd (o/u - 43.5)
as mentioned before, the chargers are the cause of the great rift between fred and i. always slow starters, i think the chargers are going to be unprepared for the brooks/moss connection. call me crazy, but aaron brooks looked good in preseason. that and i've only taken three underdogs so far, so let's get this rumble started. i'll take the raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiders.

ok, fred isn't going to be able to get his picks until later, but he told me he's taking miami tonight. i've got to get out to watch the game now, so i'll get my parlays in a comment later on. but i think we can all agree that our parlays this week cannot have the miami game on it. ok kids, let's rock and roll.

bobby the gook season 3, rules and scoring

hot damn tamales! dress me up in a plaid skirt and call me britney, football season kicks off today! and with the start of football season comes our favorite past time, handicapping football games like handicapped people! this season is so ripe with good story lines and interesting propositions that i can hardly wait to start making money with my bookie. last year, fredo and i endured the worst season imaginable by two football geniuses. relatively speaking, fredo won, but overall, we both sucked ass. this year, i vow to make amends and will prove to you that i deserve the mantle of football prodigy which you the adoring crowd have so lovingly bestowed upon me. in fact, this year, after a two year losing streak to fredo, it's time to pull out the big guns:

I GUARANTEE VICTORY AGAINST FREDO THIS YEAR

that's right, i'm going namath on y'all (circa 1969, not 2003). i hate to do this to fredo, but his opinions on the san diego chargers have already driven a boulder size wedge between us, so i'm going to go ahead and complete the alienation.

anyways, on to the scoring system. last year, i came up with a pretty convoluted scoring system and to be honest, it was too much of a headache to keep up with. this year we're going to employ a two part scoring system that is much simpler. part 1 is your basic win/loss record. as always, we are required to pick one game that will be designated as the fifty dollar bet, and this will count as two wins or two losses toward the winning percentage. part 2 is going to employ an imaginary casino for parlays. we will both start with $170 in our account ($10 per week) and parlays will pay out according to real world parlay odds which i am getting from this website, but i'll post them now for posterity.

3 Teams 6/1
4 Teams 11/1
5 Teams 20/1
6 Teams 40/1
7 Teams 75/1
8 Teams 150/1
9 Teams 300/1
10 Teams 700/1

anyays, we'll each be required to make at least ten dollars worth of parlay bets per week, but we can bet as much as we want, and we can make as many different parlays as we want (minimum $2 per bet). so i could put $10 on a 4-team parlay if i wanted. or i can make a $6 5-team parlay and 2 $2 3-team parlays. parlays can be made up of picks against the spread or over/unders which i will start listing next to the games. anyways, we'll calculate winnings each week and add that up every week. whoever ends up with more money in their account at the end of the year wins that part of the game. the idea here is to simulate real vegas betting conditions, where you obviously would not bet on every single game.

i'll be getting the lines from caesar's sportsbook, and you can find the lines here. lastly, anyone who wants to join us is more than welcome. spending tuesday morning calculating the winners and losers is always a good distraction for me. anyways, them's the rules...but i suppose it moot, since i have already

GUARANTEED VICTORY FOR THE RAGIN' ASIAN!

good luck fredo. next post, week 1.

9.03.2006

the ragin' asian returns, but steve irwin sure won't be

howdy kids! i'm finally back from my big trip. i've actually been back for a while now but i've been laying low and taking it easy. first off, before i say anything, let me send out a ragin' welcome to ADBR, the newest addition to the dallas cowboy nation. we here at the ragin' asian can't think of a better sign about the outcome of the cowboys' season than your timely arrival. as they say in montreal, bienvenue!

anyways, the croc hunter finally died while trying to piss off a stingray for his show. i say finally because very few people have tempted death publicly as many times as this guy. by all accounts, he seemed like a nice fellow and i'm sure he did much to educate australia's children about nature. however, everytime i watched him, i couldn't help but thinking that he was playing with fire. i would never go so far as to say i wished death on him, but i did often wish that he would leave those damn animals alone. i mean, how would you like it if some dude randomly tackled you and started pointing out your privates on television.

did he deserve to die? of course not. but could he have avoided it by being a little more careful? probably. i mean, he didn't have to always wear shorts around the posionous snakes did he, did he? seriously, how far was he from being that dude in that movie grizzly man?

anyways, i suppose that there's some comfort to be found in knowing that he died while doing what he loved, effing with wildlife. g'day mate!


australian authorities have released this sketch of the suspected assailant.