sports quick hits

1) ESPN downsizes number eighty-eight. the rumor was that ESPN thought cocaine mike irvin was a bad public relations meltdown waiting to happen. on the one hand, i can't blame them, after all, this is the playmaker that we're talking about, on the other hand...well, there is no other hand because he was becoming unbearable as a football analyst.

2) the NBA all star festivities were this weekend, and a couple of things to note. first, i've said this before, and i'll say it again, how can anyone not like shaq.

deadspin put it the best, "who's gonna do this stuff after shaq retires?" also, i'd like to remind people that it shouldn't surprise that shaq can dance. after all, after hakeem, he is the most agile big man we've ever seen (and don't forget that shaq is toting 100 more pounds than the dream).

3) the dunk contest was actually lots of fun. of course, everyone is buzzing about dwight howard's sticker dunk. if you don't know what i'm talking about, press play below:

12 and a half freakin' feet. not to get all fanboy on you, but that's just sick. granted, he's a seven footer to start with, but man alive. what i really like is how creative the whole think was. think about it, he had to take the cheesy picture, get someone to photoshop it onto the sticker, go out and buy the sticker paper, print up the picture, and have someone get a tape measure for jameer nelson to emphasize the shtick. that my friends is good planning for a good comic bit. he really got jobbed on the scoring as he didn't advance to the final round. the sheer comedy value of the whole thing should have gotten him perfect tens all around. as if the fact that he placed a sticker higher at a height that is greater than two of me stacked on top of each other wasn't enough. however, i think that justice was served because after he put the sticker on the backboard, we were reminded during every subsequent dunk of the ridiculousness of his feat.

it also got me thinking a little bit and it's inspired me to start an official "rules of comedy". these rules are just things that are always funny. rule #1 of course is that monkeys in people's clothes is always funny.

rule number two of course was articulated perfectly on howard's sticker. rule #2....

please feel free to suggest more rules of comedy for my consideration

p.s. ironically, the best place on the web to find pictures of monkeys in people's clothes are animal rights websites that are trying to stop the (hilarious) practice of monkey's wearing people's clothes.


Erik said...

Rule #3 - Farts are always funny

Ian said...

First of all, I've NEVER liked Shaq.

Second, you need to define big man. Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, Dwight Howard and Kevin Garnett (6-11) are all easily more agile than Shaq. This is without doing a thorough big-man retrospective on the NBA. So, are you defining it by height, weight, or a combination of the two?

Bob said...

dammit ian, you're all about semantics. what i'm trying to say is that we've never seen shaq's combo of brute force and agility. i'll give you hakeem and maybe robinson, but neither of them could just plain outmuscle people in the post. dwight howard needs to do it for a few more years, and kevin garnett isn't a true big man. when i say big man, i mean biiiiiig man. besides, i think we all saw what dwight howard could do on the dance floor.

r. williams said...

Rule #4 - AIDS jokes are always funny, especially to AIDS patients who really need cheering up.